Introduction
Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt (2005) are the authors of “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.” The book discusses a wide range of contemporary issues, one of which is marriage divorce. The book’s tone is laid-back and unpretentious as the authors begin the book with a tragic story in which they each tell a traumatic breakup they experienced and how they failed to cope, if at all. The authors are straightforward and do not prevaricate that terminating a romantic relationship is painfully difficult, and it is not evasive about the sentiments accompanying a breakup.
Behrendt and Ruotola-Behrendt (2005) emphasize the sensation that someone going through a breakup has as though they will never be able to get over the pain and anguish that comes with being rejected by their lover. The reader can empathize with the authors because they depict the permanent damage produced, making it challenging to recover from the unfortunate circumstance. They create a scenario for the affected person in which there is nothing else to see except that their love does not treasure them as much as they formerly did. They spend much time talking about how people get too caught up in the idea that, somehow, things will return to how it was, and the other person will eventually come around. When a person is vulnerable like that, it is hard to think of the possibility of the individual conceiving of it as an opportunity to discover something new and better for themselves at that time.
While it deals with important subjects that most readers likely find unpleasant, the book has a humorous tone, which is why it is compelling. The choice of tone is challenging since it is clear that the authors want to assist those going through a breakup, but they also want to make sure that they do not make the situation for the affected person any worse. They successfully maintain a perspective between being authentic and humorous, a quality that has considerably contributed to the book’s success and has been one of the book’s driving forces.
The authors dedicate one chapter to their readers and solicit letters from them seeking relationship guidance while responding to their inquiries. Korducki (2018) notes that most of the readers that responded with queries were single and unsure how to read their partners’ indications. Typically, the signals indicated that a divorce was imminent, but the partner was oblivious to the impending breakup. It was probably because the partner wanted to hear the message first. It led to one of the subjects covered in the book: how we try to disregard warning signs. The research conducted by Del Real (2018) demonstrates the naivety of human beings as they continue to be in unhealthy relationships in the vain expectation that things will get better and that their abusive partner will eventually change for the better. The unfortunate reality is that this practically never occurs, and the circumstance only gets worse as a result. This dangerous thinking style applies to individuals on the receiving end of a possible breakup and those who want to start one. This comment affects more than simply individuals who might be on the receiving end of a prospective breakup.
Several chapters in the book are structured similarly to a psycho-confessional, in which the authors discuss the weird incidents and scenarios they engaged in while recovering from a previous relationship. These sections foster a closer relationship between the reader and the authors. Through these chapters, the authors demonstrate that, following a breakup, they have had irrational thoughts and moments, although this is not healthy nor acceptable. It would have been helpful if they had stressed how destructive it was because none of these actions should be regarded as the norm.
Gender Role Expectations, Stereotypes, and Assumptions Inferred About Men, Women, and Relationships
Behrendt and Ruotola-Behrendt (2005) make some of the recommendations in the book based on preconceived notions prevalent in society. Such stereotypes include the assumption that males are tough people incapable of shedding tears while women are emotional weakling’s incapable of expressing their feelings. A number of the chapters are written with male readers in mind, and one of these was given the title “The Tough Guy’s Breakup Handbook” (Behrendt & Ruotola-Behrendt, 2005). The tenor of the guidance offered in this chapter directed toward males is given throughout the whole chapter. The archetypal rough-and-tumble male protagonist is at the center of this tale, and he is shown going through the obsessive stages associated with breaking up with someone. It is absurd that the book does not contain more images of men sobbing their hearts and wallowing in agony. As if males did not regularly go through similar traumatic occurrences after the end of a romantic engagement.
Society molds men into preconceived notions of what constitutes respectable masculinity, and what emerges in this book is merely another illustration of this trend. Upon reading the book, the reader becomes aware of the lack of assistance that men may experience through breakups (Korducki, 2018). They are therefore assumed to be strong enough not to get affected by the breakup, unlike women, thus finding it difficult to share their experiences. There is a rise in the promotion of random rebounding and alcohol consumption as regular coping techniques for individuals to adopt. It is inappropriate to display or promote the concept of a man crying or being in a vulnerable position. Doing so is viewed by society as a sign of weakness and an attack on the concept of conventional masculinity.
The majority of the book’s target audience is female readers. Deducing from the cover page is “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy.” The authors wrote the book explicitly intending to assist women suffering from emotional pain due to unsuccessful romantic relationships. The book has gained a great deal of reputation worldwide in recent years. It has a high number of copies sold; over two million copies of the book were purchased by clients worldwide within the first few years following its initial release. This book serves as a handbook for its female readers, teaching them how to move on after breaking up with the incorrect man. It addresses topics such as impartially considering a broken relationship and enabling oneself moment to feel sorrow and be depressed. The book ensures they seek to avoid the most pervasive post-breakup mistakes, such as harassment, urging, and enabling post-breakup grief to affect one’s social connections and professional life. It ensures the affected do not cause severe harm to themselves while re-establishing their self-worth and authority.
It bears emphasizing that the book is for women going through the challenging experience of moving on after a breakup with a man. The authors encourage the victim mentality that they know women are predisposed to adopt in such situations. To that end, the author portrays the ex-lover of a potential reader as the primary stumbling block in the path of a woman obtaining her desired state of contentment (Behrendt & Ruotola-Behrendt, 2005). The authors further assert that a woman should realize that her former male partner is a toxic element. They concede that the male character detriments the woman’s contentment together. The authors’ view is heavily biased against their position in this regard.
Even though the authors address all of their readers and offer relationship advice, it is evident that homosexuals are in no way the target audience. Behrendt and Ruotola-Behrendt, 2005) never addressed lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) couples and the only advice questions they included in the book were from heterosexual unions. It makes no sense considering that they neglect a whole community of married couples. Considering this book was published in 2005 when homosexuality was not a foreign concept, the absurdity becomes even more apparent. A global and inclusive relationship advice book should consider homosexual relationships.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the captivating part of this book is the authors’ ability to handle important interpersonal topics without becoming excessively opaque or difficult to read. Since most readers are likely going through a terrible period due to a failed relationship, this book is crucial. The most irritating features of the book are its rigid gender stereotypes, which put women in submissive roles without addressing the fact that males can also become sensitive when a relationship ends. The book’s exclusive focus on heterosexual relationships, to the exclusion of all other relationships, is biased.
References
Behrendt, G., & Ruotola-Behrendt, A. (2005). It’s Called a breakup because it’s broken: the smart girl’s break-up buddy. Harmony.
Del Real, D. (2018). Toxic ties: The reproduction of legal violence within mixed-status intimate partners, relatives, and friends. International Migration Review, 53(2), 548–570.
Korducki, K. M. (2018). Hard to do: The surprising, feminist history of breaking up. Coach House Books.