Sometimes in life, the strongest people face the most challenging battles. Life does not treat everybody the same, and as a result, there are many cases where people are not treated fairly. Some cases may seem common, like an annoying boss or abusive partners. Other cases are unique and may upset us to the core. One such example is an ongoing issue of the relationship between my dearest friend Nataly and her mother, where Nataly is constantly judged unfairly.
I met Nataly when I was 15 years old. I had a Twitter account, which received a certain following from people worldwide. The acceptance satisfied me, but I decided to check on my followers one day. And there was one girl with gorgeous looks, funny jokes, and sharp opinions who followed me, so I followed her back and wrote her. It was Nataly. Since then, we have become close penpals and communicate almost daily. But as I learned about her life more, one thing struck me and upset me. Turns out, Nataly struggles with building adequate relationships with her mother because she constantly misjudges Nataly and thinks the worst of her regardless of the matter.
For instance, when Nataly and I started talking, she was already in college, getting an education that is not typical for a girl. She was studying marine logistics, and it had been her goal since middle school. However, during her preparation for admission, her mother told her that she was not worth it and suggested that she find a boyfriend who would marry and provide for her while raising children instead of studying and working. Despite being discouraged, Nataly managed to secure her place in college. Yet, she was constantly questioning her decisions and was filled with doubts and regrets at times when things became hard. She recalls crying numerous times on her way to college after another “encouraging” call from her mother.
But she never gave up. She completed her Bachelor’s studies and then received her Master’s diploma while working her first part-time job in the port. There she was also one of the youngest employees, and after graduation, she landed a full-time job at that company. Throughout all these years, she was a source of inspiration for me and a role model that I aspired. According to Valentine et al. (2021), judgement is a very subjective topic, which makes it challenging to develop a fair judgement. As a result, Nataly’s successes were not celebrated as much as they should have been. Constant discouragement and judgment from her mother just made her feel depressed and hopeless. Hence, I have always done my best to provide support and encouragement and express my fascination and love for her.
Several lessons could be learned from this story. First, Nataly is an example of a strong-willed person that knows what she wants, and nobody’s judgment could stop her from realizing her dreams and achieving her full potential. It is hard to imagine the emotional struggle she had to go through every day, knowing that her mother judged her choice. But the mother’s opinion did not matter as much as her dream. Secondly, in cases where somebody judges you, it is important not to overthink it and continue moving on. Somebody’s judgment can be extremely subjective, so it is important to know your value. This principle can be illustrated by the situation where a person who owns an antique sword trades it as scrap metal by not knowing its true value. Hence, somebody’s unfair judgment should never be considered one’s sentence.
References
Valentine, N., Shanahan, E. M., Durning, S. J., & Schuwirth, L. (2021). Making it fair: Learners’ and assessors’ perspectives of the attributes of fair judgement. Medical Education, 55(9), 1056-1066.