Introduction
Your introduction is interesting and engaging; the opening sentence draws readers in by encouraging them to think of the possible answers to the question you ask. Although you present the debatable issue clearly, the sentences in your introduction seem disconnected. It is advisable that your introductory paragraph would benefit from a transitioning sentence to connect your debatable issue with the thesis. As it is required for the Toulmin thesis, you present your argument for the position by introducing three reasons, which adds clarity and strength to your opening paragraph.
Body Completeness
From the point of view of your argumentative essay’s completeness, the paper contains all the necessary components. You clearly identify the three reasons that support your idea that dress codes are unnecessary in your introduction. However, as you proceed to explain each of the three reasons, the readers might be confused because you do not separate targeting from self-consciousness. These two reasons are mixed together in the first paragraph. It would be clearer if you supported the targeting reason with a different logic that would lead to readers’ understanding of what that is and how it relates to your argument.
The evidence you present provides good examples but does not particularly illustrate the depth of your ideas. Think of more vivid and illustrative examples to support your message. Probably an additional reference would be helpful to enhance the evidential part. Also, when supporting each reason, add some sentences to show why your evidence is strong. This will intensify the argument and add to the justification of your position. You did a great job presenting the opposing views and closing the paragraphs by rebutting them with reasonable objections.
Body Development
The first body paragraph strongly presents and supports the first reason but is a little unclear since you intertwine the first reason with the second one by connecting targeting with self-consciousness. Instead of mixing these two reasons, try to deepen the explanation of students’ targeting as a negative attribute of dress codes. It is good that your reasons are logically intertwined. You might use that to enhance your transitioning between the first and the second paragraphs. The second paragraph presents a valuable piece of evidence, but your explanation is a little vague. Start your paragraph with a topic sentence, present a quote for evidence, explain that evidence, and conclude your paragraph with a statement that clarifies your reason. Such structuring will enhance clarity and the logical flow of your narrative. Also, try to avoid incomplete, fragmented sentences like this one: “Creating a sense of responsibility which many students need to acquire for the future.” Paragraph 3 is clear and logical; good evidence supports the claim.
The three body paragraphs illustrating the opposing views are clear and well-developed. You did a great job closing each of these paragraphs with a rebuttal. Probably, you might enhance the logical flow by adding transitioning sentenced to connect the three opposing reasons. Another general observation is the vocabulary you use; since it is academic writing, try to avoid informal language.
Conclusion
The concluding paragraph is concise and clear; however, it seems too short. Think of adding a sentence to grasp the reasons for your position and the invalidity of the opposing views to make your conclusion even stronger.
Documentation
When documenting the sources, you provide all the necessary information to understand where the ideas come from. However, in your list of references, which need to be presented in APA style, there are some inconsistencies as per capitalization and italicization of the text. Also, within the text of the essay, it is recommended to expand the content of a sentence beyond the mere direct quote. When you are quoting a source using a whole sentence, it is better to paraphrase a part of that sentence or include some introduction before the actual direct quote to tie your words with the author.
That is why you might revise this sentence: ‘“Children in America get too many mixed signals about their roles in world” (Lewis, 2019, par. 6).” It would be more logical and coherent to introduce the author of the reference at the beginning of the sentence. For example: According to Lewis (2019), “children in America get too many mixed signals about their roles in world” (par. 6). In such a manner, your supporting quotes will be logically integrated into your narrative without disrupting the flow of your perspective. Revise the whole text for such sentences.
Overall, your essay is logical and clear; you follow the structure of the Toulmin argument and support your positions with good reasoning and evidence. Minor corrections in terms of grammar, stronger quotes for evidence, and the improvement in structuring separate paragraphs will enhance the strength of your argument. If you add topic sentences to your opposing views paragraphs and expand your conclusion, the paper will be even more coherent and easy-to-follow for readers. Good luck!