Women they say, are the stronger sex. Mainly because even though men are physically the stronger sex, women have been gifted with the uncanny ability to be able to perform multiple tasks that include the duties of men as family providers, whenever the situation calls for it. The gender roles in marriage often call for the man to be the leader of the family but in truth, it is the woman who shoulders the brunt of the responsibility of creating a well rounded family unit. She responds to overall needs of the family members, as well as to her own personal needs without complaint or doubt. Something that most men, in their role as husbands fail to accomplish most times. A woman is a wife for only a time, for in the event of a divorce, she becomes a mother, provider, and father to those left in her care. Thus leading the stressed out primary provider to oftentimes say ” I want a wife!” as well. For a family man once divorced leaves all his previous responsibilities to his wife and becomes a single man again. While a wife will forever be the ex-wife, but mother and permanent provider to the children produced by that dissolved marriage. This is evidenced by the opening lines of the essay “I Want A Wife” by Judy Brady:
Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene from the Midwest fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is obviously looking for another wife.
The common dictionary definition of a marriage is of a union between a man and woman as defined by either the laws of the land or the laws of the church . The traditional responsibilities of a married couple have been the same all throughout the existence of the term marriage and all it entails. The man, is expected to provide a house, money, heirs, and other needs that are entailed in the raising of a family. A wife on the other hand is expected to keep her husband happy by keeping his home in a manner by which he can proudly brag to his peers, and allowing her husband to improve as an individual even if it means sacrificing many things on the part of the wife. But, in her essay, Judy Brady disagrees with this gender role specific definition because of the way a wife has to help her husband provide for the family and her husbands financial needs as well. To quote:
I would like to go back to school, so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children.
It is understood that a woman is traditionally a wife, lover, and mother to her children. But when a traditional wife also has to work to help support the family and keep her husband in a lifestyle that he is accustomed to, something is terribly wrong in terms of gender responsibility. Although it is commendable for a wife to help a husband through school, it is unfair for a husband to expect his wife to make all the sacrifices that will eventually end in his achieving his personal ambition. In a traditional marriage, everything is centered about the husband, the children, and their needs. The wife is merely a foot soldier who insures that everyone else around her is happy and content.
Then there is the modern marriage where the woman still takes on the traditional role of home maker but then also tackles part of the husband’s role as breadwinner. There is equal sharing of responsibility and tasks within the marriage, parenting, and home making. In a traditional marriage, the sole responsibility of raising the children and making sure that the husband is always happy falls upon the wife who often ends up unhappy and unfulfilled as such a set up does not allow her to explore all her possibilities as an individual.
Judy Brady effectively narrates the reason why a man never has his life to good and easy as when he takes on a wife either in a traditional or modern marriage set up. For a man, getting married means getting a maid, a mother, a lover, a baby sitter, and a financial partner whenever need be. A woman’s role in the marriage will vary and depend upon the needs of her husband who in turn, seems cold, unfeeling, and unappreciative of his wife. In her opinion, a wife is often taken for granted and seen as nothing more than a piece of equipment for the husband to use. When in reality, a woman can be a man’s equal in every aspect of marriage and responsibility.
But Armin A. Brott begs to differ with Ms. Brady. through his writing “Not All Men Are Sly Foxes”. He believes that the gender bias has affected men more because women have been the traditional care taker of the family but that men can do just as well as women in raising a family if only given the chance to do so. He states that:
The same negative stereotypes also show up in literature aimed at the parents of small children. In What to Expect the First Year, the authors answer almost every question the parents of a newborn or toddler could have in the first year of their child’s life. They are meticulous in alternating between references to boys and girls. At the same time, they refer almost exclusively to “mother” or “mommy.” Men, and their feelings about parenting, are relegated to a nine-page chapter just before the recipe section.
But because of the rampant cases of divorce and abandonment, men will continue to be portrayed in a negative light in the future. Mr. Brady further explains that:
Unfortunately, it’s still true that, in our society, women do the bulk of the child care, and that thanks to men abandoning their families, there are too many single mothers out there. Nevertheless, to say that portraying fathers as un-nurturing or completely absent is simply “a reflection of reality” is unacceptable.
In the end, both essays make a good case for both writers. Ms. Brady explains the suffocating environment faced by both the traditional and modern wife, while Mr. Brott effectively argues the case of discrimination against husbands due to the gender bias about who should traditionally raise and care for the family while one earns the income to keep the family together and alive.