The Cycle of Toxic Relationships and Low Self-Esteem
Some people, coming out of one toxic relationship, immediately fall into similar ones. They are haunted by suffering, humiliation, and lack of mutual love. Psychologists are sure that the reason for this lies in low self-esteem (Shrout & Weigel, 2019). Low self-esteem is expressed in symptoms such as a sense of one’s inferiority and the presence of guilt (Wang et al., 2019). A partner with low self-esteem may feel that life is unfair, others do not appreciate them, do not like them, and use them (Murad, 2020). Moreover, people with low self-esteem always compare themselves with others and doubt the correctness of choosing their profession (Orth & Robins, 2022).
Childhood Influences on Self-Esteem Development
Scientists are sure that even the two above signs indicate that a person has problems with self-esteem, which come from childhood (Moyano et al., 2021). Experts assure that self-esteem is greatly influenced by parents who demand more from their children and express dissatisfaction with them (Shen et al., 2021). Scholars note that most likely, many people realize in childhood that to be loved, they need to please something (Shen et al., 2021). They do not understand how one can love someone who looks like their father, slouches, makes mistakes, does not study well enough, and does not meet any of the high standards (Tajmirriyahi & Ickes, 2020). According to the logic of people with low self-esteem, they will be loved if they meet high standards (Köse & Doğan, 2019).
The Absence of Unconditional Love in Low Self-Esteem Relationships
In the consciousness of a person with low self-esteem, there is no concept of unconditional love. Such a partner must either suffer or deserve love, and there are no more ways to earn it (Harris & Orth, 2020). This is a model of relationships that people pull into adulthood, where many disappointments await them. According to psychologists, low self–esteem is always a wrong choice in love (Don et al., 2019). This is because a person with low self-esteem most often behaves insincerely in a relationship. They are constantly pretending because they need to conform all the time to be loved.
Low self-esteem encourages people to turn a blind eye to any, sometimes even boorish, attitude towards themselves (Shrout & Weigel, 2019). People with low self-esteem tend to forgive their partner for cheating, drunkenness, or even beatings. For example, women with low self-esteem have been living for years with men who offend, humiliate, and beat them (Orth & Robins, 2022). At the same time, they do not leave because they fear that no one else will consider them a couple (Harris & Orth, 2020). Low self–esteem is a huge psychological problem that can lead to very unpleasant consequences.
Exploring the Impact of Boarding School Experiences on Self-Esteem and Relationships
Among the little-explored areas related to the relationship between low self-esteem and romantic relationships, one can single out the study of the psychology of partners who grew up in a boarding school. Since their low self-esteem was not formed under the influence of parents, the features of its correction may differ from cognitive therapy for partners who grew up with parents (Moyano et al., 2021). It is necessary to investigate this area in more detail to understand the peculiarities of the problem’s formation and the ways to normalize relations among such people.
References
Don, B. P., Girme, Y. U., & Hammond, M. D. (2019). Low self-esteem predicts indirect support seeking and its relationship consequences in intimate relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(7), 1028-1041. Web.
Harris, M. A., & Orth, U. (2020). The link between self-esteem and social relationships: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 119(6), 1459–1477. Web.
Köse, O. B., & Doğan, A. (2019). The relationship between social media addiction and self-esteem among Turkish university students. The Turkish Journal on Addictions, 6(1), 175-190. Web.
Moyano, N., Granados, R., Durán, C. A., & Galarza, C. (2021). Self-esteem, attitudes toward love, and sexual assertiveness among pregnant adolescents. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(1270), 1-10. Web.
Murad, O. S. (2020). Social anxiety in relation to self-esteem among university students in Jordan. International Education Studies, 13(2), 96-103. Web.
Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2022). Is high self-esteem beneficial? Revisiting a classic question. American Psychologist Association, 77(1), 5-17. Web.
Shen, F., Liu, Y., & Brat, M. (2021). Attachment, self-esteem, and psychological distress: A multiple-mediator model. The Professional Counselor, 11(2), 129-142. Web.
Shrout, M. R., & Weigel, D. J. (2019). Coping with infidelity: The moderating role of self-esteem. Personality and Individual Differences, 3(4), 1-7. Web.
Tajmirriyahi, M., & Ickes, W. (2020). Self-concept clarity as a predictor of self-disclosure in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(6), 1174-1183. Web.
Wang, X., Zhao, F., & Lei, L. (2019). Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction: Self-esteem and marital status as moderators. International Journal of Current Psychology, 27(2), 227-236. Web.