Introduction
These days, sex education appears to be a matter of multiple discussions. This topic especially regards teenagers, who are eager to start their sexual life, but they are not experienced enough. This fact is highly likely to lead to negative consequences and result in psychological traumas, unintended pregnancy, and obtaining sexually transmitted diseases. Another threat implies that young people prefer to conceal these problems and delay the solution to them, as they are afraid of being judged. For this reason, a significant number of sexologists, gynecologists, urologists, and psychologists highlight the necessity to reveal information about sexual life to adolescents, as this approach will contribute to minimizing the aforementioned problem. However, the realization of such a proposal is not as easy as it may seem. Parents are the closest people for children and are considered to be the ones, who deserve the most trust. Nevertheless, the majority of teenagers are confused by the idea of discussing these intimate aspects with their parents. They are afraid of being unappreciated and punished for their actions and wishes.
As for parents in America, they are opposed to the idea that their adolescent children may have sex acts at this age. This topic appears to be forbidden for them, and they are not determined to provide their offspring with some information on this account. American parents predominantly prefer to ignore this stage of socialization of teenagers or are limited by expatiating warnings, covering only the most negative outcomes. In addition, they tend to forbid their children from having sex at their parents’ house. This way, teenage sex is a frequent reason for family conflicts, as parents do not treat this part of children’s social development with respect. They do not understand their offsprings and their needs, do not trust them in this responsible aspect, and are feared by possible consequences. This behavior does not contribute to declining the negative outcomes of having sex at such an inexperienced age. Moreover, occasionally, it aggravates the situation, as adolescents may stick to unhelpful advice and harm themselves and their partners.
Amy T. Schalet is a winner of the Healthy Teen Network’s Carol Mendez Cassell Award for Excellence in Sexuality Education and the American Sociological Association’s Children and Youth Section’s 2012 Distinguished Scholarly Research Award. The woman is determined to draw the public’s attention to this issue. To fulfill this intention, she has written the book Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex. In it, the author attempts to compare the American sex education tradition to the Netherlandish one. Parents in the Netherlands appear to be more liberal in the context of teenage sex, which results in minimizing the number of unintended pregnancies and unprotected sex. Amy T. Schalet presents multiple interviews with parents and their offspring on the topic of growing up and the perception of love. Furthermore, the book also regards alcohol consumption and relationships within the family in general. This way, the purpose of this paper is to provide a summary of the book and present its analysis and valuation of its weak and strong points.
Summary
Amy T. Schalet presents a comparison between attitudes towards teenage sex in America and the Netherlands. For writing this book, the author has selected 130 families, who have met her criteria and have been white representatives of the middle class. In addition, participants are secular or moderately Christians and the majority of parents and their children do not regard themselves to any type of sexual minorities and are heterosexual.
The exploration starts with a question of whether a teenager may be allowed to have a sleepover with their lover in the parents’ house. The first difference appears to be evident in the answers, as the majority of Americans are more likely to forbid this pastime by contrast with Dutch (Schalet 2011). The author states that Dutch parents perceive adolescent sexuality as the norm identifies of its three frames – “normal sexuality, relationship-based sexuality, and self-regulated sexuality” (Schalet 2011: 32). In the Netherlands, adults consider it to be an integral part of children’s development and attempt to support them. They share some information on how to decide whether a person is ready for a sex act or not and how to integrate it into relationships. Therefore, Dutch predominantly permit the aforementioned sleepovers in a family house, as they see it as an opportunity to contribute to the healthy sexuality development of teenagers.
As for families in the United States, they appear to be more conservative in this regard. Describing their position, Amy T. Schalet provides an illustrative example that American parents use three following frames for this tendency: “hormone-based adolescent sexuality … parent-regulated adolescent sexuality” (2011: 56). There is a substantial prejudice in American society that boys are influenced by their hormones to a large extent, so they are supposed to have a great number of sex acts with different partners. On the contrary, girls are considered to be more careful in this aspect. It is also worthy of note that a widespread conviction implies the permission of starting sexual life only in case of reaching self-sufficient age. However, the reality does not match this belief, as in fact, the majority of American teenagers are engaged in sexual activity.
Amy T. Schalet states:
“In the Netherlands, as in many countries of northwestern Continental Europe, adolescent sexuality has been what one might call normalized—treated as a normal part of individual and relational development and discussible with adults in families, schools, and health care clinics. But in the United States, teenage sex has been dramatized—fraught with cultural ambivalences, heated political struggles, and poor health outcomes, generating concern among the public, policymakers, and scholars” (2011: 3).
The situation in America, which is described above, causes harm for adolescents. According to the writer, the rate of unintended pregnancies is significantly higher in U. S. as compared to statistics in the Netherlands. Apart from particular prejudices in the U. S. society, the author supplies other reasons for such an approach to teenage sexuality. Amy T. Schalet contradistinguishes “American adversarial individualism” and “Dutch interdependent individualism” (2011: 83). They have appeared due to different expectations and perceptions of relationships in these societies. For instance, Americans are willing to receive autonomy and reach independence, while in the Netherlands, adolescents are determined both to achieve the previously mentioned goal and have ongoing relationships.
Analysis
All this, the author’s thesis implies that there is no adequate conception of teenage sexuality in American society. In addition, it is not considered to be an integral and positive stage of adolescent development and socialization. This fact prevents offerings from “ongoing practical, emotional, critical, and ethical guidance”, which is helpful for healthy sex perception. (Schalet 2011: 209). The writer claims that “the cultural frames that they [parents] have available to discuss teenage sexuality give American parents only limited tools with which to help their adolescent children navigate their entry into sexual exploration” (Schalet 2011: 209). Therefore, she recommends addressing this issue by accepting the framework, which involves acknowledging adolescent sexuality in many aspects.
It is undeniable that Amy T. Schalet manages to highlight the hardships of growing up in the present-day developments precisely. These days, the culture of sex has undergone significant changes and differs from the one, which was in the past. It is an apparent fact that adolescents tend to have sex at a more early age than they used to be in the 20th century. Gradually, sex is no longer presenting a forbidden topic in modern society. It is perceived as a part of everyday routine, and the necessity to provide people with relevant information on this topic is evident. A considerable number of psychologists and sexologists emphasize the importance of supplying teenagers with appropriate help with becoming acquainted with this part of life. Carelessness in this issue is highly likely to obtain severe health problems, which consequences can be overwhelming. In addition, some sexually transmitted diseases may lead to sterility in the future.
On the other hand, pregnancy at an early age may have negative consequences too. Teenagers predominantly are not capable of providing infants with sufficient care and financial support. Moreover, a baby may limit their opportunities and changes their path of life drastically. In some cases, young parents prefer to refuse to adopt their children, as they are not ready for such a responsibility. For the aforementioned reasons, it is evident that the thesis, which is claimed by the author, appears to be a pressing concern. She manages to support the tendency to promote sex education among young people and their parents.
As is evident from the analysis conducted above, the position of the author can be considered to be convincing, as it addressed the highly-discussed issue in modern society. Moreover, Amy T. Schalet provides credible evidence for the central topic of her book. Throughout the narration, she conducts 130 in-depth interviews, in which participants are 58 parents, both individual and in couple, 32 teenage boys and 40 teenage girls. The majority of interviewed adolescents attend the 10th grade of school. The author asks both American and Dutch members of families similar questions, which reveal the differences in their attitude to teenage sex. Such a wide range of participants, and the fact that the writer managed to have a conversation and reveal each one’s opinion provides the book with strong reliability.
Nevertheless, there is one aspect, which may cause some doubts about the thesis of Amy T. Schalet. All the respondents refer to the representatives of the middle class of both countries. This way, the attitude to the teenage sex of the population with other financial conditions is not reflected. There is a likelihood that their opinion is different from the one presented in the book to some extent. For this reason, it should be considered that Amy T. Schalet reflects the common perspective of the entire American and Dutch society. However, it should also be admitted that the writer highlights this limit at the beginning of her work, so she does not aim to present the average opinion of modern society. On the one hand, her argument may seem to be incomplete, as it covers only one group of the population. On the other hand, the topic of the book and the attitude to teenage sex, which is characteristic for American parents, addresses a hot-button issue. Therefore, the author’s thesis appears to be relevant, and the evidence may be considered to be credible.
The writer manages to show the problem from two perspectives, which are micro-and macro-sociological. Amy T. Schalet protects adolescents’ rights and responsibilities in the context of relationships between children and parents. She emphasizes the importance of respecting teenage sexuality and address the necessity to have a conversation with offsprings on this topic. The author qualitatively investigates parents’ opinions on the teenage sex and sexuality of their children by asking them an unexpected question of whether they would allow their offspring to have a sleepover in their family house. In addition, she matches different parenting styles with cultural specialties, contrasting American and Dutch approaches to upbringing. Therefore, the book provides readers with several levels of sexual scripts. This way, Amy T. Schalet presents a comprehensive picture and covers both phycological and cultural perspectives.
Evaluation
The positive message of Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex cannot be underestimated. Its strength implies providing a deep insight into the importance of discussion and supporting adolescents in exploring their sexuality. The interviews conducted by the author do not leave any hesitations that this topic should not be forbidden in respect of relationships between parents and their children. Amy T. Schalet contrasts the Dutch and American culture and their attitudes to teenage sex to show how understanding and support help prevent negative consequences of this occasion. American parents are so extremely feared of sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancy, and rape that they prefer to restrict this part of relationships. This way, the comparison illustrates the ineffectiveness of such an approach and convicts the readers to stick to a more healthy and caring option.
Although the book supplies American parents with a powerful incentive to change their opinion in this regard, it does not mention how to discuss this provocative topic with teenagers correctly. Such a supplement would be beneficial in achieving the result targeted by the writer, as parents would receive not only the motivation but also practical steps for improving the communication with their children. In the majority of situations, people are ready to be more understanding of their relatives, but they do not have a comprehension of the correct approach. Occasionally, despite being willing to make a change, parents tend to feel confused about discussing sex education with children, and this issue should be covered in the book. This way, the lack of advice for changing the atmosphere in parents’ houses can be considered to be the weakness of Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex.
Nevertheless, it is undeniable that Amy T. Schalet manages to address and impress the target audience. Every American parent will receive creditable and convincing evidence that the widespread behavior appears to be not only fruitless but also harmful for their offsprings’ path of life. In addition, young people are highly likely to be interested in the book too, and they will find irrefragable answers to the majority of questions regarding their parents’ approach. They may become more understanding towards their family and understand the motives of their behavior. All this, the book may be extremely helpful and informative for its core audience, which is American parents and teenagers. They will discover the contemporary sex culture from another perspective, which, as a result, will benefit the entire family.
Conclusion
The topic of sex education has become a hot-button in present-day developments. A wide range of works of literature and cinematograph is devoted to this issue. Furthermore, it is addressed in social networks by bloggers and sexologists. Therefore, the book of Amy T. Schalet Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex manages to present the author’s perspective on this issue. The writer highlights the differences between Dutch and American parents’ opinions regarding teenage sexuality by interviewing both single and married adults and their children. The major question, which Amy T. Schalet asks the participants was whether parents were likely to permit their offspring’ to have a sex act at their house. Interestingly, by contrast with Americans, the Dutch tend to allow teenagers to have this kind of sleepover. In addition, they may supply their children with contraceptives and some important information so that their relationships with a partner become healthy and comfortable.
The author notes that American parents are predominantly feared teenage sex, especially possible negative consequences, such as unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. However, the statistics of these circumstances are significantly higher in America than in the Netherlands. For this reason, Amy T. Schalet stimulates American parents to reconsider their approach and shows them another behavioral pattern, which appears to be more beneficial for the whole family.
Reference
Amy T. Schalet. 2011. Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex. University of Chicago Press.