When meeting new people, hoping to make a good impression, or trying to improve relationships with others, we often engage in self-disclosure. As mentioned in our course materials, this is the process of intentionally revealing personal information, whether it is a secret or merely an interesting or relevant fact. However, in some cases, self-disclosure can backfire, and it is also possible to misunderstand whether one can share information someone has disclosed to them.
Unfortunately, I have experienced adverse consequences from self-disclosure. Several years ago, I was introduced to a new group of people and wanted to feel accepted and welcomed. We spent several hours together, chatting and sharing basic information about ourselves, and somehow drifted into discussing self-esteem and social opinion. There was a girl who said we might develop negative ideas about ourselves because of stereotypes and social pressure. I supported her, disclosing my own doubts and inferiority complexes, hoping to receive some sympathy, and, according to the Social Comparison Theory, I was willing to seek self-validation. However, that girl looked at me and said, “Well, to be honest, your complexes are rather reasonable.”
Self-disclosure can sometimes lead to embarrassment if people do not respond as we hope. That case affected me badly, and for years, my self-esteem was lower than before because I thought I was actually unworthy of empathy and acceptance. To change the outcome of that self-disclosure, I could have either lowered my expectations to react neutrally or avoided sharing too personal details, such as the precise complexes I had.
It is necessary to discuss situations in which one wants to share information disclosed to them by others. If the disclosed information is not secret or extremely personal, and the sharer does not request confidentiality, one might share it with close friends and others. Furthermore, if the disclosed fact involves a crime or illegal action, one should report it to the authorities (Jaffé & Douneva, 2020). At the same time, if the individual understands that the disclosed information does not harm anyone but requests that it remain confidential, it is unethical to share it with others.
Reference
Jaffé, M. E., & Douneva, M. (2020). Secretive and close? How sharing secrets may impact perceptions of distance. PloS One, 15(6).