Relationships of any kind are based on the connections between people. The connections may be either consolidated or weakened, depending on the work of the partners. Not every couple is able to feel complete harmony and vivid emotions for many years. Sometimes the peak of emotions, joy, and love may seem surreal and unreachable, leading to a sense of despair and exhaustion. As a result, the only real solution to the problem is strategies, which can be harmful, misleading, or helpful.
The interviewed couple, Jane and Blake, have been together for seven years, experiencing moments of both instability and balance. According to Jane, every relationship requires a lot of work and efforts, and a harmonious union that arose from a big and bright feeling is not able to magically work by itself. After many years, Jane learned strategies that work or do not work with her partner.
The first strategy of Jane is focused on perception of confrontation. The woman states that “deeper and more mature relationships come from conflicts.” Avoidance of confrontation is very tempting, as well as pushing a partner, in order to ensure that “everything is going the way you want.” However, conflicts might consolidate the relationship and bring mutual respect if the right approaches are incorporated. The key is to not recall mistakes from the past and to not get personal.
Nevertheless, Jane states that the second strategy is misleading and only causes mixed emotions. At first, the woman thought that she would have to become perfect if she wanted to eliminate conflicts. In order to incorporate that strategy, Jane tried to agree with everything and support every decision of Blake. As a result, this did not stop any conflicts and only led to the outburst of woman’s emotions. In the end, Jane realized that the key to a healthy relationship is acceptance of differences.
When it comes to Blake, one of his successful strategies is the establishment of boundaries. According to Jane’s partner, boundaries are “the limits that we build with other people,” this is the definition of what one partner considers acceptable towards oneself in the behavior of another partner. The establishment of boundaries is the act of introducing a person to one’s personal space, the individual sphere of interests, principles, and beliefs. Before, the absence of personal boundaries led to irritability of Blake since he tends to be protective of his personal space, and Jane tends to be controlling.
The first strategy also led to another, which is focused on communication. According to Blake, the previous strategy not only made him understand the importance of boundaries but the significance of communication. The man states that “when two people have just met, they can talk for hours about everything in the world.” However, such conversations are indicators of the beginning of a relationship. As Blake puts it, genuine communication begins when “you will feel real emotions behind the words of a loved one and understand that your partner is a huge, complex and wonderful world.” Thus, the key is to not only talk but to truly communicate with the partner.
Nevertheless, Blake also has a strategy that was unsuccessful in the relationship. Before, Blake considered personal dilemmas to be personal only. As the man later explained, “everybody minds his own business” in his family, and it is unacceptable to give people unsolicited advice. As a result, Blake incorporated that strategy in his relationship, which later resulted in conflicts. Jane felt as if she was not supported by her partner and was alone with her hardships. Thus, Blake learned that it is unacceptable to leave a partner to deal with problems alone in any situation, and a person should always ask whether their partner needs help.
During the interview with both Jane and Blake, the couple listened carefully to each other’s opinions and did not interrupt. Both partners shared the same keys to their relationship. The first successful strategy that is used by both of them is focused on forgiveness. According to Jane, she accepts the imperfections of her partner and also acknowledges her own. As Blake put it, “it’s all water under the bridge, we learn from our mistakes and don’t bear grudge against each other.” Therefore, they both work on their problems through communication and utilize conflicts as ways to improve themselves.
Another strategy that plays a significant role in establishing a healthy relationship is a sense of individuality. According to Jane, “a sense of yourself as a separate person” has become very important to her in the previous years. The experience of trying to become perfect for Blake has led to the “blurring” of her true identity. Blake also agrees with this strategy and says that boundaries might help since “everybody needs their own interests, hobbies, and personal space.” Thus, every healthy relationship is based on possible differences of partners, but the respect of these differences and personal boundaries.
Hence, the strategies of Blake and Jane are focused on mutual respect, communication, and support. The couple tends to listen to each other in conflicts and find solutions to dilemmas. The key to their relationship is cooperation which helps them go through every hardship. Previous unsuccessful strategies, such as attempts to adjust to a partner’s interests, and abandonment taught Jane and Blake that no one is perfect. Relationships involve two people who should help and accept each other.