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How is Systemic Racism Becoming a News Spectacle?


Your opening has a hook for the readers and contains a well-developed thesis. I would advise mentioning who George Floyd is briefly to clarify the person for readers who might be unfamiliar with him. Judging from your introduction, it seems like you tend to adhere to a Rogerian argument since you do not explicitly present your position but imply that a solution to the problem should be found. On the other hand, your argument throughout the paper is presented mostly from the perspective of why your position in relation to the need for elimination of systemic racism by decisive means is right. That is why a Toulmin argument structure would be more relevant. Anyway, it is required to introduce the debatable issue more clearly for the readers to understand what the opposing views might be in relation to the identified problem.

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Body Completeness

Your structuring is difficult to follow because of the formatting errors; however, it is observable that some of the necessary paragraphs are lacking. It is unclear what type of argument you have chosen for your essay. Regardless of the type, you need to identify an opposing view on the contrary to yours and provide the reasons for such a point of view of the opponents. Overall, your essay is too informative in presenting one side of the debate, as well as it is too persuasive. It is important to add opposing views, support them with evidence, and provide refutation to complete the structure of a Toulmin argument.

Body Development

The body of your essay contains a strong position supported by a substantial amount of evidence and examples. However, it lacks clarity in presenting the actual substance of the debate. All five body paragraphs are devoted to the explanation of the wrongdoings of Trump’s administration in relation to racism and protests. Instead, you might shorten this information into three paragraphs. Each of these three paragraphs needs to be concentrated on explaining one reason behind your position. Your support of the ideas by referring to the effects of racism is very strong; you just need to structure your evidence more coherently and logically. Think of the ways to separate your reasons into three logical blocks and devote one paragraph per reason. It would be easier for the readers to follow your perspective if you open your body paragraphs with a topic sentence, provide a piece of evidence, explain it, and conclude the point in simple words.

It seems like you argue for decisive measures aimed at eliminating systemic racism, but what is this view opposed to? If you oppose your views to those of the current administration that ignores the problem, try to think of their reasoning behind their approach to racism. It is advised to present three reasons, support them with evidence, and follow by a rebuttal that enhances your position. It is advisable to refer to the Toulmin argument requirements to clarify the structure of the paper.


The concluding part of your paper is very strong from the perspective of the message it sends to the readers. However, you start your conclusion with a personal statement, which is inappropriate for academic writing; instead, try to remain objective. You close your paper with the presentation of a possible solution, but this statement lacks addressing the opponents’ perspective and the refutation. Try to present the concluding points in a more objective way by incorporating the opposing views and your position. I believe that after revising the body of the paper, your conclusion will be clearer, and your readers will leave with a sense of understanding your main point.


Your reference list needs correction according to the requirements of APA style. Make sure to include necessary punctuation when stating the authors of the sources on the reference list and place the entries in alphabetical order. Throughout the paper, correct the formatting in terms of indentation and alignment, only the title and headings must be centered. Pay attention to the capitalization of proper names and other grammar and syntax errors to ensure your writing’s correctness. When citing your sources in the text of the paper, you are inconsistent since some of your direct quotes lack the identification of the source and page. For example, the quote you present in the last body paragraph, which starts with the words “the things that are happening the killing of George Floyd”, is not followed by the author’s name, the year of publication, and the page. Also, this quote and several others throughout the paper, are fragmented and not incorporated into the logical form of your narration. Think of the ways to introduce the source in the sentence before you present the quote. Also, to avoid too long quotes, paraphrase some of the author’s words. It will help to tie the evidence to your argument and help readers understand your point.

In general, you did a great job researching the topic. Your writing is vivid and informative, although some parts lack clarity. Revise your paper as per grammar and syntax errors, word choice, and academic style. Also, it is evident that you care for the topic you are writing about, which adds to the strength of your argument. However, to comply with the requirements of argumentative writing, you need to adopt a more objective style of narration to address the opponents in a respective manner.

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StudyCorgi. (2022, March 2). How is Systemic Racism Becoming a News Spectacle?

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