The title of the book Hurt People Hurt People by Dr. Wilson clearly expresses the first premise. She demonstrates how the process of hurting others is an ongoing process that repeats itself from generation to generation or from one individual to the other. Wilson argues that the cycle begins right from childhood where family members or friends hurt children. She describes some of how parents neglect and ill-treat their children setting a shattered basis of their future relationships (Wilson, 2001, p.124). Unfortunately, children learn to shelter abuse from family members using defensive or dysfunctional ways to heal emotional wounds. Children can only question their parents when they get older, and this is out of knowledge or experience that boosts their reasoning capabilities. The solutions developed allow survival during the early years of a person’s life but when applied to solve adulthood problems, develop into pain and hurt (Wilson, 2001, p.86).
Dr. Wilson also outlines the processes of change that are a necessity for people to stop or counter hurt. She emphasizes the fact that we can only change our own choices. This happens because we cannot control other people’s choices. She explains the need for personal responsibility in all actions. For changes to occur, we must let go of past choices and choose new ones, which involves the painful revisiting of childhood choices (Wilson, 2001, p.86-88). She also mentions the need for God’s Holy Spirit to heal and personal responsibility in the process of change.
Wilson argues that some of the peoples’ past behaviors influence their present behaviors. Most people with legitimate behaviors had unfit behaviors at one time in their life. It is only after individuals pick new choices in life that they will realize the change in their life. She says that we can change perceptions because of life problems and influences, and it is the only way we can eliminate principal problems in life (Wilson, 2001, p. 92). These dominant problems torment humans throughout their life.
Strengths of Wilson
The approach Dr. Wilson uses to describe the process of healing is in itself clear but highly effective. In her arguments, she creates more room for dealing with unhealthy behaviors among individuals in the society. She explains behavioral patterns among individuals that are beyond their control and the consequences of such patterns in their lives. However, she does not exclude anyone from personal responsibility for their behaviors, choices and actions.
In her model, she combines novel views of explaining human behavior, from the religious view to the psychological and even the sociological view. She addresses understanding of different issues of life, God, ourselves and other people as well as how we usually make new choices. The model examines the realities of life such that no individual lives with excuses or feelings of denial. It attempts to explain how we can breakdown cycles in life and in those of children, which is essential in the process of healing. The book also provides us with practical applications in today’s life. Dr. Wilson does not just tell us to be healthy but rather what being healthy is. For instance, she has explained the meaning of forgiveness by explaining the necessity of accepting Jesus’ forgiveness first for us to forgive others.
Weaknesses of Wilson
As Christians, we believe that God chooses parents for us, and they are a precious gift that God gives individuals. This contrasts Wilson’s argument that we can choose parents. We need to appreciate parents the way they are because they are a gift from God. Choosing will entail hurting others, which violate the primary objective of this book of not hurting others or ourselves.
Dr. Wilson’s approach identifies the Holy Spirit as a key player for healing to take place. This process involves real involvement of the Holy Spirit combined with emotional healing. Despite the model being effective, it is be limited to believers only. It can only be applied for a Christian who lives according to the teachings of the word of God.
Application
Although Dr. Wilson’s model for change is simplified, it has exceptionally strong points that a foster mother can relate to strengthen all the elements of psychological and spiritual growth. She explains how different systems influence us during childhood throughout adulthood. The foster mother can use the book as a tribute in providing encouragement to a child that someone cares rather than the unseen God. The model offers detailed explanations to different behavioral patterns among individuals and does not make room for justifying those behaviors. Personal responsibility and the Holy Spirit as the major elements in the process of change echoes well with me. The model gives optimism that healing can be a reality for those individuals willing to follow the difficult and painful process of change. The book is suitable for Christians as it applies the teachings of the Holy Spirit.
Reference
Wilson, S. D. (2001). Hurt People Hurt People: Hope and Healing for Yourself and Your Relationships. Grand Rapids: Discovery House.