The attachment theory by John Bowlby is concerned with the relationships between humans from childhood to adulthood. The theory is formulated on the basis that for young children to have a stable social and emotional development, they need to develop a relationship with at least one caregiver. Infants seek comfort from an attachment figure in stressful situations and become easily attached to sensitive adults who are consistent caregivers. I agree that, to a large extent, parental responses help to shape attachment patterns that dictate an individual’s behavior, thoughts, actions, expectations, and feelings in later relationships.
Children develop various attachment styles, which later manifest in adulthood. Toddlers who are securely attached to their parents are certain that their needs and communications will be addressed, and therefore, they feel free to explore. With secure attachments, children can separate from their parents and return whenever they feel frightened. Such children grow to become adults who can form trusting and lasting relationships. Moreover, such adults have high self-esteem and can quickly seek out social support in case of challenges. For instance, when a securely attached person enters a romantic relationship, they can confidently share and discuss feelings with their partners, set boundaries and work through challenging times.
An avoidant attachment style develops when a child’s caregiver does not respond appropriately to a child’s needs. Therefore, the child tends to assume their own needs and struggles to maintain peace and the relationship with their caregiver (Counselling Tutor, 2011). Parental behaviors such as the active discouraging of crying and avoidance of physical touch encourage the development of this attachment style. However, most of the parents who behave in this way are young and inexperienced. Avoidant attachment styles may significantly develop due to a parent’s illness, death, or divorce.
As such children grow up, they show negative attitudes in later relationships, such as discomfort and annoyance with physical touch. Furthermore, they find it difficult to establish and feel their emotions and fear that getting too close to people may cause them to get hurt in the long run. An example is when such adults accuse their partners of being overly attached and may ruin relationships without exploring them first. They have a strong sense of personal independence and do not seek support during stressful times (Sutton, 2019). Therefore, the relationships formed by people with avoidant attachment styles are mostly unstable.
Disorganized attachment is another pattern where people yearn for a sense of belonging, love, and connection, but at the same time, they are not able to fully trust others. This pattern has its roots in childhood when a caregiver becomes a source of fear rather than security. In such situations, children are often punished or humiliated by their parents for expressing their feelings, and their needs are basically ignored (Counselling Tutor, 2011). Adults associated with this attachment style struggle with regulating their emotions in relationships and may alternate between being clingy and distant from their partners. An example is when someone is afraid of letting their partner get too close but extremely afraid of losing them.
Ambivalent attachment style develops when a child’s parent is inconsistent in how they care for the child. Sometimes the parent may be engaged and responsive, and other times unavailable (Sutton, 2019). As a result, children feel anxious and uncertain of whether their needs will be satisfied. This attachment style affects adult relationships by making it difficult for people to tolerate emotional intimacy. For instance, a person may disregard their partner’s feelings, keep secrets from them and end relationships to regain their sense of freedom. Conclusively, it is essential to understand attachment styles because they affect people’s performance in many areas of life.
References
Counselling Tutor. (2011). Attachment theory- John Bowlby (Video). YouTube.
Sutton, T. (2019). Review of attachment theory: Familial predictors, continuity and change, and intrapersonal and relational outcomes. Marriage and Family Review. 55(1), 1-13.