While “Blissfully Blended Bullshit” by Rebecca Ecker may be divisive for several reasons, it is still an exciting voyage into the author’s experience of family mixing because of its ruthless honesty. Some important themes throughout Ecker’s life are discrimination, favouritism, and romanticized views of relationships. The author’s unfiltered, raw writing style conveys these characteristics, and by the book’s conclusion, it becomes a major topic in and of itself, although contentious and occasionally unpleasant. Rebecca Ecker uses a straightforward but effective structure in telling her story, beginning with the occurrence of a problem, progressing to an explanation of the choices she made in response to that problem, and finally wrapping up by applying lessons she has learned or the recommendations of others. As a result of its format and Ecker’s raw storytelling, “Blissfully Blended Bullshit” stands out from its peers as a novel that is both entertaining and original.
The principle of experiential learning is one of the book’s central tenets. From the outset, it is clear that the author places a premium on first-hand experience as a learning tool, and this is a theme that runs throughout the book. The author repeatedly mocks “so-called experts and well-meaning friends,” claiming that their advice is useless since it does not apply to her and her family’s circumstances (p. 109). Sometimes, after experiencing the repercussions of her behaviour, she will say that she now sees the worth in the advice of others. In her final thoughts, the author reflects on her experiences and concludes that she blended her family the wrong way, detailing numerous mistakes she made along the road. Her conviction in doing as a form of learning is seen in the inclusion of “I will not repeat the same errors” inside her list (p. 270). This has a positive impact on the reader and may act as the comprehensive material for blended relationships..
Ecker uses several hypothetical conversations as instances of idealized dialogue throughout the book. It is clear that the author approached the concept of a blended family with the assumption that many aspects could be sorted out as they occurred, and the book serves as a cautionary tale about taking that approach. Despite reading and being taught by others that it is vital to talk finances with a new partner at the outset of a relationship, the author admits early in the book that she did not bring up money with her new spouse (p. 42).
By the novel’s conclusion, not only has her partner shown very little economic responsibility in the relationship, but money has become a major issue of contention between the pair and a major matter of introspection for the author (p. 224). Financial literacy is an essential part of modern-day world and it should be approached with caution even in the relationships due to the indispensability of finances from the survival.
Discrimination and favouritism also play significant roles throughout the narrative. Many instances are cited, but two that stand out are when the author favours one kid over the other and when her spouse shows a bias toward one of their friends (p. 117). Notably, the only people whose names are ever mentioned in the novel are the author and her biological children; the husband and two daughters are never given any special treatment and are instead referred to as “boyfriend” or “Husband” and “bonus children” throughout. This is intriguing when considering the author’s talks of the challenges of loving children from a mixed family (p. 77). In these and other ways, the author shows how parents’ inherent prejudices toward their biological children make it difficult for everyone in a blended family to express their affection for each member (p. 80). Consequently, this theme of the book is an essential material for the development of a healthy relationship.
The book’s subtitle boasts that it exposes the harsh reality of mixed families, highlighting the author’s unfiltered viewpoint as a selling factor. Ecker’s viewpoint is unapologetic in its bluntness and lack of sympathy, delivering a visceral depiction of the events in each chapter. Therefore, it is indicative of one of the book’s major virtues. The author’s words shed light on the mental and emotional costs of women’s unrecognized emotional and physical labour in the home and interpersonal interactions. The ex-husband’s actions towards the conclusion of the book when they split their assets are emblematic of the partner’s indifference to their partner’s financial and emotional labour (p. 252). Perhaps, she’s hinting in such way that people that were once indispensable part of one’s life may become cold toward their loved ones.
One of the book’s biggest flaws is the author’s straightforward storytelling style. The author’s personal life, attitude, and actions throughout the book contradict her efforts to provide a generic ‘truth’ on blending families for any family other than her own. Still, it is great to witness a no-holds-barred viewpoint that is visceral, raw, and honest. The author’s experience is so unique that it cannot be compared to the feelings of anybody else going through a comparable situation. For instance, her claims of being “unfavored” by her husband and his daughters and conspicuously absent from family pictures raise serious questions about her bias towards her biological daughter (p. 98). While these prejudices and immaturities may be present in the lives of others, they have a negative impact on the author’s story. They may make the author seem unlikable and unrelatable to the reader.
The motivations underlying Rebecca Ecker’s writing make her book hard to endorse. If her goal was to share her experience of family integration, then she has accomplished her goal. The author has presented the book in this light, and although there are sufficient elements to make such statement, the book’s effectiveness is undermined by the author’s frankness. Inadvertently expanding the book’s scope beyond its original aim may have diminished its academic worth as a work on blended families.
However, it has improved its value in other domains. This book is a great resource for those studying human psychology since it presents several problematic social behaviours and qualities, including gatekeeping, narcissism, and gaslighting. If the author had written this book with family studies in mind, it would still be useful, but not in the manner they probably meant. Also, sociologists will find it interesting, not only because it sheds light on moms’ unpaid work and provides a window into the societal expectations placed upon the author, her ex-husband, and their blended family. In the preface, the author explains that she was warned to “be careful” when writing this book since certain extended family members “were apprehensive” about its subject matter. The author, however, brushes off any worries by claiming that the readers “should be scared” about the information she plans to expose about them (p. 11). However, the author’s actions seem to reflect the disturbing reality of her personal decisions.
Reference
Eckler, R. (2019). Blissfully blended bullshit: The uncomfortable truths of blending families. Dundurn Press.