Abstract
Human relationships have many characteristics, and people are responsible for making their own choices that determine their future life. Family counseling aims at defining and researching such concepts as love, romance, and marriage. If families address an expert to obtain therapy, strategic models by Jay Haley, Don Jackson, and Milton Erickson may be applied. According to Hudson et al. (2019), well-being depends a lot on relationship status and quality. The American Counseling Association (2019) recommends never let the romance disappear and promote exciting emotions regularly. Thus, attention should be paid to how individuals develop and are involved in their loving affairs and preserve strong feelings with time. In this research paper, metacommunication, symmetrical escalation, paradoxical injunction, and complementary relationships will be discussed to prove the marital mystique and identify the role of love and romance.
Introduction
Love and romance in relationships are probably the two most challenging topics for discussion because each person is free to establish specific rules and follow independent judgments. The definition of love depends on a variety of factors and categories where this concept has to be discussed. For example, it is correct to say that love is a feeling that one person has toward another person. In addition, love is a strong but abstract emotion that usually serves as a reason to continue a relationship. For example, more than 88% of Americas use love as a cause of their marriages, diminishing the impact of such excuses as financial stability (28%), religion (30%), or legal questions (23%) (Geiger & Livingston, 2019). However, it is wrong to believe that love should be defined as a single emotion or feeling only. It is an amalgamation of multiple issues that provoke positive and negative impacts at physical, emotional, and psychological levels (Smith, 2021). Love is a unique element of marriage that should never be neglected.
Romantic relationships turn out to be the goal of family therapy. Not to be trapped by age, gender, or income issues, Hudson et al. (2019) recommend focusing on the development of romance that allows shaping lifelong trajectories. That is why it is correct to define romance as a relationship between two people who feel love or affection. In the American Counseling Association’s study (2019), keeping communication equals keeping romance. In other words, romance feeds loving relationships and comprises a number of steps that couples should take. Experts believe that it is enough for a couple to spend about 15 minutes daily to catch up and revive romance in a relationship (American Counseling Association, 2019). However, the role of romance and love in marriages may still vary between cultures, considering the importance of power, wealth, and other vital aspects. In the United States, human feelings, love, and romance are highly appreciated, which explained raised numbers in happy remarriages (64%), same-sex marriages (62%), and families with several religious backgrounds (39%) (Geiger & Livingston, 2019). Romance in a marriage has many requirements, and Americans try to meet most of them.
Summary of the Chapter
Love and romance have a significant impact on families and marriages, and the task of therapists is to check the status of romantic relationships from time to time. Goldenberg et al. (2017) introduce several strategic therapies to identify behavioral symptoms and solve family problems, underlying the worth of communication. This psychotherapeutic paradigm is based on theories developed by Erikson, Haley, and Jackson and related axioms for interpersonal relationships.
Milton Erickson’s strategy includes a therapist who approaches patients, uses their wisdom, and gains trust to change their old (usually problematic) behavior. Goldenberg et al. (2017) define this therapy as directive and carefully planned due to properly chosen hypnotic techniques to remove symptoms. The development of close therapist-patient relationships makes it possible to use paradoxical injunction as a form of communication and treatment (Goldenberg et al., 2017). Couples who are challenged by love- and romance-related problems become able to complete paradoxical assignments, demonstrate spontaneous behaviors, and ignore one instruction to do another. For example, the American Counseling Association (2019) suggests couples doing something out of the ordinary within the phrases of a particular schedule to return romance to their relationships. This strategy is based on paradoxical actions, but outcomes prove that love, romance, and paradox could work together.
Jay Haley is a pioneer who offered strategic models for family therapy and underlined the importance of focusing on the client’s environment, not but a single person with some problems. The goal of his strategic approach is to use communication and examine the role of a family or another social unit that plays a significant role for a client. Haley believes that every relationship is a kind of battle for power and control, and communication is one of the best ways to define priorities and solve problems (Goldenberg et al., 2017). In this case, the concept of metacommunication should be identified as a possibility to explain messages at several levels (a message about a message, combined words, gestures, and movements). In relationships where love and romance matter, communication is vital as it is a chance to reduce the risk of misunderstanding, wrong expectations, and conflicts, which is also interpreted as symmetrical escalation (Goldenberg et al., 2017; Smith, 2021). Communication allows taking tasks that are paradoxical by their nature, and Haley wants clients to be involved in activities in order to forget about their conflict and revive romantic relationships.
Don Jackson is another contributor to the promotion of strategic models in family therapy. He admits the role of a redundancy principle in communication, which means that couples and family members have a tendency to repeat their behaviors and decisions (Goldenberg et al., 2017). According to Hudson et al. (2019), the quality of romantic relationships depends on their length and the level of commitment. The more time people spend together, the more common interests may be revealed, but romance may be the price to pay for this balance. Therefore, people get recommendations to make a list of their favorite things, activities, and wishes, not to forget about what made them fall in love (American Counseling Association, 2019). This is where Jackson’s strategy should work – people are in need of repetitions to remember their worth. At the same time, complementary relationships are promoted when one person performs a superior function (usually a husband or a male partner) and another person remains submissive (usually a wife). When the behavior of one partner complements the behavior of another partner, couples can find a solution to a problem and achieve success in family therapy.
Cultural Considerations
Modern multicultural society establishes new priorities and rules in the development of love affairs and family relationships. Although it is possible to make friends with different cultural backgrounds, the creation of a family may be fostered by cultural compatibility (Lindahl & Wigderson, 2020). There is a variety of cultural values and differences, which may explain multiple problems and diagnoses in the marital status and the promotion of love and romance. For a long period, culture is introduced as an essential part of human experience, and its impact on human relationships cannot be ignored. Despite the intention to integrate cultures, people should always remember their roots and respect their traditions, which complicates an understanding of love and romance in different families. Some couples believe in the power of love and are ready to make everything to protect their feelings. Some cultures consider love or romance as an ordinary emotion that may be controlled. There are also many families where love is used as the only means to sustain a marriage. Thus, cultural considerations are important for family therapy, but personal characteristics also matter.
The number of attitudes toward love and romance directly depends on the number of cultures in the world. For example, in the United States, many people believe that African Americans create couples relying on their feelings and attractions. However, despite the fact that African American marriages are usually rooted in love, many marriages are ended quickly because of financial problems and economic instability (Lindahl & Wigderson, 2020). Thus, White couples are more likely to exhibit love and romance due to their stable finances and social benefits. Still, one should understand that each couple is a unique combination of individuals, and the feelings of one poor African American couple may be stronger than the feelings of several rich White families. Love and romance are unpredictable, but financial problems may kill romance. In Asian families, the concepts of love and romance are determined by family duties and readiness to hide emotional burdens (Lindahl & Wigderson, 2020). Low marital quality, as well as romance, is observed in Mexican-originated couples. Still, if Mexicans create families, love keeps this group for a long period.
In China, patriarchal family relationships are well-known around the globe. In most families, male roles are superior, and women should follow the rules of their families and the orders of male leaders. In this case, love and romance are never independent and self-developing. These concepts are imposed, but couples are able to feel positive emotions and maintain love if they are lucky. Still, economic consideration, respect for the elderly, and traditions are much more significant than love and happiness. Romance means nothing compared to the duty a citizen should perform for society or a child does for a family. When therapists work with Chinese families, they should understand that the role of parental control in family functioning is great for couples (Lindahl & Wigderson, 2020). Therefore, metacommunication and Haley’s strategic approaches may be appropriate for working with Chinese social groups. However, it is normal when couples are not ready to talk due to their dependence on families and specific obligations. In this case, communication may occur separately not to hurt each other’s feelings and needs.
In addition to families where members belong to the same cultural background, some people can neglect their obligations and build relationships regardless of their cultures. Multicultural families are not new today, and family therapists should focus on this consideration thoroughly. In the United States, the number of multicultural couples has considerably increased during the last several decades, and therapists admit an increase in conflict and relationship instability (Fonseca et al., 2020). People with different cultural backgrounds put love and romance in the first place. Still, with time, such couples demonstrate poor relationship functioning because of a lack of experience (Fonseca et al., 2020). They ask for professional help, and multiculturalism in family therapy becomes a part of different strategic models. Communication, role exchange, and attention to family issues are promoted to help people understand the peculiarities of their cultures and respect the cultural requirements of a partner. In total, cultural considerations are difficult to predict in relationships because love and romance are usually beyond science and therapy, promoting the marital mystique.
Conclusion
During this course, several theories and strategic models have been discussed to improve family therapeutic approaches. Love and romance are the two crucial elements of human relationships, and therapists should understand how to help people deal with emotions and sustain marries despite the existing cultural or social considerations. The works of scholars, psychologists, and researchers were used to learn the worth of communication and role exchange. Sometimes, couples should be ready to follow routine tasks, while others address paradoxical injunction or symmetrical/complementary relationships to strengthen their feelings and solve problems. The role of a therapist is critical, and it is not enough to listen but to participate in relationships couples develop. Love is not just a feeling that appears or disappears but an emotion that must be fed up from time to time. Romance is also present in many human relationships, and people have a tendency to lose and revive it by following professional recommendations and therapy.
References
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