Introduction
The issues of presenting appropriate manners and adequate etiquette are more relevant nowadays than they have ever been. Generally, one’s manners are judged by their verbal and external demonstration of basic etiquette principles, such as saying “please” and “thank you.” The history of the expressions highlights the fact that they were primarily used during the commercial revolution by the middle class (Popova). Hence, the words have a clear link to working people and the appreciation of their effort. Moreover, the phrases have become an international formality utilized over time in formal and informal conversations. While some people argue over the necessity of accentuating such intricate details of social norms, others consider saying “please” and “thank you” the example of important etiquette and proper manners that should be passed down through generations.
Etiquette
The deliberate use of the expressions not only demonstrates one’s gratefulness for a received service or aid, it can also strongly impact other people and their willingness to help in the future. In that way, Scharf reiterates the idea that “I appreciate what I have, and how others benefit to my life, and I say thank you to them for doing so,” therefore, re-evaluating the role people’s words play in daily tasks (Scharf para.16). Minor instances of etiquette neglect appear rude and ignorant, and minor instances of delicate communication improve people’s relationships. Furthermore, “please” and “thank you” are equally as important in various settings, both formal and informal. At work, school, and other official environments, the expressions signify accordance with a set of socially accepted rules that affect the relationships between coworkers, students, and educators. At home and in cases of personal life, saying these simple words means showing gratitude, affection, and the basic respect for one’s loved one.
Furthermore, it must be understood that while a common courtesy, saying “please” and “thank you” should be taught as a genuine act to younger children. In the examples provided by Bernadine Racoma in her article on the value of saying “please,” it becomes evident that parents should set good examples for their children by actually being polite to other people (Racoma para.4). It is not as much about what people can achieve through showcasing their politeness, but what that politeness can do for people. Children learn the basic social norms by replicating their parents’ respectful attitudes in various settings. Hence, parents expressing genuine gratitude and politeness while saying “please” and “thank you” teach caring and open-minded characters.
The significance of saying “please” and “thank you” is accentuated in the psychological study by Percival and Pulford on the effects of verbal gratitude expression on interpersonal perceptions. The study aimed to investigate how different levels of politeness demonstrated by an interviewee would change if they have any effect at all on their likability, measured by other participants’ ratings (Percival and Pulford). The interviewee’s positive attitude improved impressions made about them as much as their company impressions improved their overall perception of the interview. In this case, as politeness includes the incorporation of “thank you” in the interviewee’s speech, it is one of the main factors affecting the public view of a person. Any candidate for a competitive job must then be able to present themselves as polite and courteous as possible to gain a favorable reputation and advantage.
Moreover, the historical trend of declines in gratitude nationally demonstrates a major decrease in the role of respectful attitudes, which is also related to the formation of a more arrogant and selfish population. The conducted research emphasizes the development of positive reciprocal feelings between people that communicate politely, including saying “please” and “thank you” as the fundamental methods of expressing likeability (Clay and Stearns). While modern society has presented counterarguments to the idealization of the described moral values, traditional cultures were once based on the principles of chivalry and courtesy (Clay and Stearns). In that way, many literary, artistic, philosophical, and social fields inevitably involved references to etiquette norms. As a result, saying “thank you” and “please” comprise the basic expectations for well-mannered people and historically were the minimal effort required for public approval. Hence, more emphasis should be placed on raising the etiquette standards on a national level. Modern values prioritize self-entitlement and personal gain only, which will undoubtedly have negative consequences for society in the future.
On the other hand, a contrasting point of view emphasizes the value of actions in comparison to empty phrases with minimal emotional significance. Moreover, it accentuates the idea of using the expressions selectively to avoid unnecessary confusion between the concepts of favors and obligations (Sherman). When used constantly and without particular comprehension of their significance, the words become useless and emotionless. Also, excessive formalities cause misunderstandings and miscommunication since the unnecessary reference to a carried-out task or assistance may appear ingenuine, selfish, or insincere. While we cannot accurately predict the most appropriate usage of “please” and “thank you,” they must be utilized sparsely to avoid conflict or unfavorable social situations.
Additionally, another author dedicates an article to emphasizing the importance of actions instead of meaningless words. In this case, parents should reiterate the value of kind and respectful behavior in healthy interpersonal relationships rather than teach the phrases without any explanation (Kelly). Hence, it is the idea behind saying “please” and thank you” that should be prioritized, not the pretense, insincerity, or incomprehension of its meaning. Forcing children to say certain phrases will teach them the wrong lesson, and as a result, these children will grow into adults who misuse the etiquette expressions. Manners can be regarded as a separate category of appropriate social behavior that does not require cliché words to be used in any context. One’s tone and attitude are a lot more critical in their impact on one’s reputation and perception by other people than the specific constructions they utilize. This principle is applicable to both children and adults, although it is wiser to teach the youth while they are still learning everything about society and its expectations.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the reviewed examples and arguments aided in demonstrating the point of “please” and “thank you” being essential etiquette and proper manners that should be passed down through generations. Both historically and culturally, the phrases are linked to the appreciation of humankind’s effort and assistance, a clear form of gratitude expression. The manners presented by an individual inevitably impact their social standing, and their social standings impacts their communication and relationships with other people. Numerous psychological studies accentuated the positive role of gratitude expression in improving their status and perception by acquaintances, friends, and family. At the same time, “thank you” and “please” must be used appropriately so as not to lose their significance. In that way, both children and adults should pay closer attention to their attitude, tone, and actions when communicating in social settings, as these factors are far more revealing of a person’s character. Either way, the proper manners and etiquette rules should be further implemented into school programs and modern social norms. Most importantly, our cultural and national future is heavily dependent on the extent to which this issue will be taken into serious consideration.
Works Cited
Clay, Ruthann, and Peter N. Stearns. “Don’t forget to say “Thank You”: Toward a modern history of gratitude.” Journal of Social History, vol. 53, no. 4, 2020, pp.1060-1083.
Kelly, Stacy. “Should we force children to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’?”. Parenta, 2019. Web.
Percival, Nicole M., and Briony D. Pulford. “Do say “thank you”: verbal expressions of politeness and gratitude influence interpersonal perceptions.” The Journal of General Psychology, vol. 147, no. 3, 2020, pp. 228-243.
Popova, M. “How we got ‘please’ and ‘thank you’”. The Marginalian, 2013. Web.
Racoma, Bernadine. “The value of saying please”. DayTranslations blog, 2012.
Scharf, Rhonda. “Saying please and thank you is always necessary”. Huffpost, 2016.
Sherman, Jeremy. “Please and thank you: Stop saying them so much. Please!”. Psychology Today, 2009. Web.