Masculinity has historically been associated with power, leadership, and wealth.
Yet, it becomes toxic when it starts to form particular social expectations from men. On the one hand, those expectations can help males be more assertive, courageous, and ambitious. On the other hand, they tend to produce adverse effects on men by limiting the uniqueness of their character.
A widespread belief that ‘men don’t cry’ can be devastating because it restricts a natural necessity to weep in overwhelming moments. Those who continue showing ‘weaknesses’ in their character by being tender, patient, and tolerant can be severely and continuously disrespected and bullied. Some of the words which may seriously offend include ‘girl’, ‘weak’, ‘loser’, and other swear words. Therefore, the misconception of masculinity creates the situations in which males of various ages develop mental and psychological traumas.
A misunderstanding of masculinity can be highly toxic for various groups of people. Boys and young children are especially vulnerable because they lack protective psychological mechanisms. According to Plan International USA (2018), one-third of boys aged from 10 to 19 years old believe that surpassing feelings is a way to be accepted by society. Meanwhile, above 40 percent of them point out that society expects them to express their anger through impulsive behavior rather than sensibly communicating it to another person (Plan International US, 2018). Hence, from an early age, under heavy peer pressure, young boys construct a somewhat toxic understanding of what they should be and how they ought to behave. Consequently, children start hating themselves because they cannot meet such standards while developing new disbalances in their physiological and mental systems.
From personal experience, I perfectly understand the relevance of the topic. Since I was six, I used to cry while being abused, scared, or shouted at. Especially due to my father, I was afraid of weeping in front of people. He kept repeating that ‘only girls cry’; moreover, he was losing his temper every time tears appeared in my eyes. I remember how this experience made me a very ‘closed’ person who begun to refuse to express any sensitivity and tenderness. As a result, I accumulated a significant amount of fears and insecurity inside, which made me attend the sessions with a psychologist for three years. My relationship with my parents deteriorated because I stopped sharing with them what was happening in my life.
One of my classmates in secondary school has experienced similar problems. He has always been softer, kinder, and more sensitive than other boys in our class. His father had a particular view on what a ‘real man’ is like; therefore, he was excessively harsh and unable to accept his son the way he was. His father sought a physically and mentally strong man. He could not understand when my friend began to cry, considering it a weakness and a feminine trait that has to be eradicated. This boy’s treatment led my friend to a psychologist who strived to revive his self-confidence, self-value, and motivation.
Studying toxic masculinity makes me feel more confident and relieved because I know that many young men are benefiting and will benefit from this knowledge. I wish others could learn more about how wrong perceptions about masculinity can be detrimental to men’s mental and physical wellbeing. The study of gender is thus crucial for anyone who wishes to live in harmony with oneself and others.
Reference
Plan International USA (2018). The State of Gender Equality for U.S. Adolescents. Web.