Numerous theories predict the development of romantic relationships or explain the behavior of partners. These are interdependence theory, social exchange theory, and filter theory, to name but a few of them. The current paper discusses attachment theory, according to which previous attachments profoundly affect relations. The essay argues that attachment is a phenomenon mostly derived from childhood and initial caregivers and significantly shaping person’s further social life and romantic relationships.
Fundamentals of Attachment Theory
Attachment theory was developed by the British psychologist John Bowlby in 1969. According to Fonagy (2018), the theory occupies a unique place in psychology, aiming to form a bridge between general psychology and specialized clinical practices related to psychodynamic aspects. The concept of attachment refers to a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings” and characterized by the fact that children are searching for proximity to an attachment figure in threatening situations (Bowlby, 1969, p. 194). The way parents react on a child’s requests shapes a certain attachment pattern that guides feeling, emotions, and expectations from further relationships of grown children (Bretherton & Munholland, 1999). In other words, the discussed theory views attachment as a defining factor for further social behavior and preferences of an individual.
Ainsworth (1964) divides all attachment forms into three primary categories: secure, avoidant, anxious attachments. If an acquired attachment is secure, it means that a child is confident that an attachment figure would satisfy the needs. Bowlby (1980) claims that an individual with a secure attachment will be “available, responsive, and helpful” (p. 242). The avoidant attachment appears when a caregiver ignores the need for a child and leads to the emotional independence of the latter from the former. Finally, anxious attachment is also known as an ambivalent. It is characterized by the dualistic behavior of a child who is dependent on a caregiver but rejects this person in case if he or she interacts.
Interaction with the Caregiver in Childhood as a Definitive Factor of Attachment Patterns
As it has already been mentioned, childhood and the experience of interaction with primary caregivers define attachment patterns of individuals. Children are the most sensitive ones in cases of distress, and they largely depend on emotional support from their primary caregivers. Secure parental attachment leads to higher academic results, a positive attitude during romantic relations, and an enhanced overall self-esteem level (Kumar & Mattanah, 2016). The investigation conducted by Ding et al. (2014) reveals that anxious attachment, on the contrary, causes behavioral problems and might even slow down mental development. Hence, this attachment creates such patterns of behavior that make romantic relationships unhealthy and abusive. Most importantly, these patterns remain relatively stable throughout their life and rarely undergo changes from one pattern to another. Thus, even though life experience leads to a more refined approach to on-going relationships, several basic behavioral patterns remain unchanged.
Attachment Characteristics and the Development of Romantic Relations
Attachment characteristics constitute a defining feature in the development of romantic relations and deserve special attention. As it was stated in the preceding paragraph, different attachment styles result in their specific features traced throughout the individual’s relationships. More precisely, secure attachment guarantees the ability of a partner to provide adequate emotional support, deal with negative affect, and use suitable resources for partner reassurance when needed. Anxious attachment acts as a ground for excessive demand for support and a tendency to develop clinging behavior. The individuals who experienced attachment avoidance express the tendency to avoid accepting others’ help and dismiss the partner’s emotional need.
The key element that links parental attachment to romantic relationships is romantic competence that determines the level of mutuality and the ability to adjust to the partner’s needs and is regarded as a primary connecter to mother attachment in childhood (Kumar, 2016). Davila et al. (2017) define romantic competence as “a skills-based model of healthy relationship functioning” (p. 162). From this, it could be inferred that the overall level of relationship satisfaction depends on romantic competence. The survey performed by Davila et al. (2017) indicates that greater romantic competence enhances the feeling of security in love affairs. Therefore, from written above, it could be inferred that secure parental attachments of both partners provide behavioral patterns that guarantee successful romantic relationships.
Attachment-Directed Treatment
The awareness of the interconnection between the attachment style and romantic relationships could be used to improve the latter. Despite the wide-spread opinion that an individual is deprived of a chance to change his or her behavior patterns created by attachment experienced in childhood, Hopper (2017) lists evidence that proves that it is possible. Attachment-directed treatment is directed at changing the individual’s perception of the values of care, support, and availability to the partner and deals with understanding the attachment needs of both partners and adjusting their behavior in this regard. To achieve the improvement in relations, the treatment uncovers underlying attachment models and the causes of their formations. After this step, it becomes possible to work through all the problematic issues, fix the former conflicts, and gradually change the foundations of behavior patterns.
Apparently, the therapist is unlikely to totally eradicate the experience that the client acquired being an infant or a child. Nevertheless, the described treatment is a useful tool that could facilitate to rebuild a way of expressing emotions and needs and restore faith in yourself and people. As a result of the treatment, an individual would not only change avoidant or anxious attachments but also would alter the way he or she sees yourself, other people, and the surrounding world. It is crucial to notice that the improvement of relationships requires the engagement of both partners even if one of them has secure attachment and has nothing to be fixed. The therapy would be successful if the existing problems are resolved by the interaction of both partners, and one person would support another one. The most significant point about the attachment-directed treatment is that no universal scenario of it could be created. This therapy is unique for every specific couple since it provides a tailored approach based on its needs.
Conclusion
Attachment is a crucial personal characteristic that significantly influences individual’s social life and romantic relations. Being formed during early childhood through the actions of parents and other caregivers, the primary attachment styles remain unchanged throughout the entire life. They are often the reason for many problems a couple can face while building their relationship, and only specialized treatment directed at the unique characteristics of the partners can be helpful. Therefore, understanding the role of attachment in romantic relations is critical for improving the overall personal life satisfaction level.
References
Ainsworth, M. D. (1964). Patterns of attachment behavior shown by the infant in interaction with his mother. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly of behavior and Development, 10(1), 51-58.
Bowlby J. (1969). Attachment. Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Loss. Basic Books.
Bowlby, J. (1980). Attachment and loss. Loss: sadness and depression. Hogarth Press.
Bretherton I, Munholland KA (1999). Internal working models in attachment relationships: A construct revisited. In J. Cassidy & P.R. Shaver (Eds.). Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research and Clinical Applications (pp. 89–114). Guilford Press.
Davila, J., Mattanah, J., Bhatia, V., Latack, J. A., Feinstein, B. A., Eaton, N. R., & Zhou, J. (2017). Romantic competence, healthy relationship functioning, and well‐being in emerging adults. Personal Relationships, 24(1), 162-184.
Ding, Y. H., Xu, X., Wang, Z. Y., Li, H. R., & Wang, W. P. (2014). The relation of infant attachment to attachment and cognitive and behavioural outcomes in early childhood. Early human development, 90(9), 459-464.
Fonagy, P. (2018). Attachment theory and psychoanalysis. Routledge.
Hopper, E. (2017). Can You Cultivate a More Secure Attachment Style? Greater Good Magazine. Web.
Kumar, S. A., & Mattanah, J. F. (2016). Parental attachment, romantic competence, relationship satisfaction, and psychosocial adjustment in emerging adulthood. Personal Relationships, 23(4), 801–817.