Introduction
Divorce is a common social issue today and significantly impacts the individuals involved. Causes of divorce vary depending on the involved parties’ culture and marital arrangement. The causes include communication problems, negligence, lack of cooperation, abusive spouses, falling out of love, childlessness, and marital unfaithfulness. Although society condemns divorce as an unbecoming act, views regarding marriage and keeping the marital vows have evolved with modernization, where people have a right to dissolve a union if it does not meet their expectations. Unlike the earlier years, society is more accepting of divorce and single parenthood leading to more divorce cases. Many people advocate for divorce as a way of obtaining freedom from an unhappy or unstable marriage without considering the challenges and potentially harmful effects on the family mentally, economically, and physically. This essay shows that divorce has detrimental effects on families and explains the challenges and their potential effect on family members during and after the divorce.
The Rationale of the Research
Picking divorce as the research topic is vital because the phenomena continue to trend despite the negative effect on families. Today, divorce continues to trend and increase and negative impacts continue to influence the lives of children divorced couples. Schramm & Becher (2020) state that 60% of modern marriages are likely to end in divorce entangling millions of youngsters in the aftereffects of the separation. In the past, parents used to stay together in marriage for a longer time for the children’s sake. However, nowadays, couples find the most insignificant reasons to separate and file for divorce leading to single parenthood, which is a significant problem in children’s growth and development.
Partners who undergo divorce are entirely separated from one another, and in marriages involving children, the court makes a custody decision with co-parenting. This research focuses on families with children since they face more challenges during and after the separation. According to Akpan & Ezeume (2020), 90% of the divorces involve children who find difficulties adapting to the changes and disruption of their families. Although many families today consist of single parents who try their best to raise children uprightly, families with both parents have better chances of healthy growth and relationships than children from broken families. Thus, this research addresses the challenges of divorce in the family, focusing on the impact on children and the divorced parents.
Challenges of Divorce on Families
Psychological Challenges
Divorce affects the psychological health and well-being of parents and children. Children tend to feel withdrawn when their peers with close-knit families discuss subjects related to family life. Having a different family makeup causes children to be self-conscious, insecure, and alienated because of the differences. Children may develop social disorders, low self-esteem, and anxiety (Akpan & Ezeume, 2020). According to Lebow (2019), children from divorced families are prone to behavioral issues such as delinquency which brings conflicts and shame. Behavioral issues affect the children’s social life and make parenting difficult due to stress and losing control of the children’s actions. In today’s society, parents keep their children away from a company that can negatively influence them. Consequently, the parents avoid associating with problematic families, leading to being outcasts in the community.
Children growing up in broken families may feel rejected and worry that their parents will stop loving them due to the separation. Divorce causes insecurity, anger issues, and stress, affecting the child’s emotional development and family values, which affect them into adulthood (Schramm & Becher, 2020). Adolescents are most affected by divorce and second marriages due to their physiological, mental and intellectual development. High emotions and abstract thinking characterize the adolescent stage, and family disruptions may cause the emotions to escalate negatively (Akpan & Ezeume, 2020). Teenagers tend to rebel during puberty and may find it challenging to obey a parent who is not related to them biologically. The tension arising from child-parent conflicts affects the family’s well-being and leads to stress and strained relationships.
Similarly, divorced parents experience psychological disorders resulting from the tedious process of divorce and adjusting to life after the separation. Most parents who seek divorce therapy fear dealing with a broken family and their children’s love and relationship dilemmas when separated (Lebow, 2019). Other parents feel that the other partner might turn the children against them, which would affect their relationship and family ties. In divorce cases that involve many conflicts, one partner may instigate the children against the other parent, who might feel victimized (Lebow, 2019). Living with such fears leads to anxiety disorders, depression, and grief over the lost family that has been disconnected.
Adaptation and Adjusting in the Family
Divorce disrupts many normalcies of a family, which may take time to adjust. The first challenge is adjusting to separation from one parent, which changes the primary relationship of the family (Akpan & Ezeume, 2020). Children have to adjust to changes in the relationship, such as co-parenting, where they have to visit the separated parent on a given schedule. Secondly, challenges arise from confrontation among their peers regarding the changes in their family (Akpan & Ezeume, 2020). Children may feel victimized and different from their peers with both parents, which can cause social consciousness. Often, when children discuss parents, those with single parents are muted from the discussion leading to low self-esteem. Another challenge is adjusting to a new environment when a parent relocates after the divorce (Bengtson & Bengtson, 2017). The family has to make new social connections which may be difficult considering the disruption of family and social life due to divorce.
Remarriage is another factor presenting a significant change in the structure and reorganization of separated families. although Many divorced couples engage in new relationships and remarriages for companionship and raising children in a binuclear family. Growing up with both parents is the ideal family setup. However, children vary in responding to transitional changes such as joining and co-existing with another parent and family, which poses challenges in adjusting. For instance, Van Gasse and Mortelmans (2020) studies show that children feel more distress in remarriages than in a divorce, particularly in marriage on the father’s side. New families change the relationship between a child and a parent because children must recognize step-parents as guardians besides their biological parents.
Binuclear families are complex and confusing to children who face identity crises trying to belong to either side of the family. Some children may view step-parents as better than their biological parents causing poor relationships with the divorced parent (Akpan & Ezeume, 2020). Gaps in relationships between children and their biological parents result in loss of kinship. The children will have less association with the separated parent’s family and siblings who may stay behind. Creating new relationships with strangers can be difficult for children after a family disruption (Bengtson & Bengtson, 2017). Children from failed marriages tend to be insecure and unable to form strong bonds for fear of separation. Divorce causes a loss of trust, and introduction to another family may cause panic and fear of going through another separation. Conversely, raising children in an expanded family can be challenging for parents and children because of disagreements regarding punishments, lifestyle, and behavior (Van Gasse & Mortelmans, 2020). Step siblings may find it difficult to get along due to age differences, personality issues, and perceptions about the new step siblings leading to family conflicts.
Loss of family Ties and Bonding
Although some parent remains in touch after divorce, a child may side with one parent if the other is hostile or unapproachable. Distancing oneself from a parent causes parental alienation regardless of whether the parent shows hostility during or after the divorce. Schramm and Becher (2020) state that many social workers who work with children from divorced families encounter parental alienation, impacting children’s academic performance, mental well-being, and social interactions. When a child distances themselves from their parent, they withhold their academic activities, performance, and interests which may pose challenges in school attendance and follow-up in the child’s education and behavior. Divorce is exhausting emotionally and can cause depression, anger issues and abuse. Abuse leads to conflict and split loyalties when children try to cope with the changing circumstances (Lebow, 2019). Children who cannot cope with abusive and violent parents usually alienate themselves and may reject the parental relationships with time. The alienation cause children to feel disconnected and hateful towards one or both parents, particularly an abusive party or the parent who filed for the divorce.
In many cases, children of divorced parents who encounter conflicts leading to alienation lose their kinship and identity when they move on with their new lives. In the early stages, the children may be adamant about visiting or involving the hated parent in their activities. Many children with kinship and parental alienation situations may consider meeting their parents later in life at occasional events such as family weddings or gatherings (Van Gasse & Mortelmans, 2020). Nonetheless, the long period of separation creates a disconnect where they feel like strangers despite being a family. Others choose not to involve the parents in their activities or leave one parent out of their lives altogether. Thus, the family becomes disengaged, and long-term disconnection breaks the family ties creating an identity crisis for the persons involved.
Socializing
In many communities and cultural groups, marriage is a sacred and intimate thing that must be withheld regardless of the circumstances. Thus, people consider divorce a moral breakdown and disassociate with divorced families (Akpan & Ezeume, 2020). Divorced families are perceived as individualistic for separating without considering the children’s well-being. At the same time, people blame the couple for failing as parents and persevering through marital challenges to keep the family together. From this perspective, divorced families lose the meaning of family since they do not represent the typical characteristics of a nuclear family. Due to different societal values and lifestyles, some communities may shun the divorced families and consider them a bad influence in their lives leading to social alienation (Bengtson & Bengtson, 2017). Children from such families face social challenges when they cannot interact with friends and close relations. Losing one’s social circle affects parents in many ways, such as feeling lost, identity loss, and stigmatization. With social disconnection, parents and children feel lonely, resulting in social disorders and psychological problems.
The Metaphorical View of Divorce
Divorce is often depicted as a relationship failure and a bad thing in many cultures and societies worldwide. When parents separate, it becomes a failure on their part, which affects their children in many ways. As a phenomenon of destruction, metaphors that describe divorce involve phrases that portray damage or brokenness. An interesting metaphor referring to divorce is ‘the tsunami’ (Schramm & Becher, 2020). A tsunami is an ocean wave that causes catastrophic destruction when it occurs. Mostly, tsunamis do not show signs of occurrence and may erupt unexpectedly, leaving much damage in their wake. Like a tsunami, divorce cases are unexpected and may find the family members unprepared to face the situation. The separation drowns the family leading to broken relationships and emotional breakdowns that may take time to recover. Sometimes, there is no possibility for recovery when the damages are too severe.
The Lessons Learned in the Research
Many people depict divorce as a highly harmful social issue which is accurate given the challenges and adverse effects it has on the family. Children are the most affected in divorce cases because it disrupts their relationships and the meaning of family regardless of age or gender. Although divorce cases may be resolved without conflict, children still suffer despite the parent’s attempt at co-parenting or maintaining a good relationship with the separated partner. The negativity of divorce follows a family throughout their lives, affecting stepfamilies and children’s romantic relationships in their adult lives. Thus, society must find ways of reducing divorce cases to help maintain the value and structure of traditional and harmonious families.
Recommended Research Question
In this study, divorce has many family challenges, affecting parents and children in numerous ways. As a widely researched area, little literature exists on challenges facing families which stay together in unsuitable unions to avoid divorce and separate family members. Divorce may have positive effects on some families, and researchers need to address the issue from the positive side. Considering the effects of no divorce in children and adults from unsustainable marriages will help understand if a nuclear family is better despite the challenges or if divorce is the best option for a better lifestyle and healthy relationships.
Conclusion
The subject of divorce and its impact on family, particularly on the children, is a widely researched area. Separating family members and spouses is a social issue that negatively affects children and divorcees socially and mentally. Going through the divorce process is difficult for parents and children due to the significant changes involved. Divorce cases are usually sad and traumatic for the involved parties. Regardless of the reasons for separation, going different ways after living together is a difficult step. The divorce journey takes time, and an emotional toll as each party tries to get through the social disruption. Nonetheless, little has been done to suppress the rising divorce rates. People vulnerable to divorce have little help leading to broken families and communities since it affects all aspects of the family’s social life. The issue is severe and demands attention to establish strong families and reduce the negative impact of separating family members.
References
Akpan, I. J., & Ezeume, I. C. (2020). The challenges faced by parents and children from Divorce. Challenge, 63(6), 365–377. Web.
Bengtson, V., & Bengtson, V. L. (2017). Global aging and challenges to families. Routledge.
Lebow, J. L. (2019). Divorce today. Treating the Difficult Divorce: A Practical Guide for Psychotherapists., 35–55. Web.
Schramm, D. G., & Becher, E. H. (2020). Common practices for divorce education. Family Relations, 69(3), 543–558. Web.
Van Gasse, D., & Mortelmans, D. (2020). Reorganizing the single‐parent family system: Exploring the process perspective on divorce. Family Relations, 69(5), 1100–1112. Web.