Divorce refers to the dissolution of marriage through legal means (Theu 2). In any divorce case, there are various duties that the divorcing parties must undertake so as to have the divorce process completed. These responsibilities include taking care of the children as well as sharing property. In most cases, it is the woman who instigates the divorce process (Everett et al. 1).
Theu believes that, as long as the parties involved in the divorce process share the same feelings, the court may approve a previously completed verdict, through the period of marriage as well as after the dissolution of marriage (2). The rules governing marriage differ across the world. However, there are mainly two types of divorce. These include “at fault” divorce where one party is responsible for a certain mistake and the second type “a no fault” divorce where none of the parties is guilty of any mistake.
There are many reasons why people in marriage may decide to divorce. However, it is very important for divorcing parties to cooperate during the divorce process since in most cases, the parties share so much that they cannot live in total isolation. Among the reasons why divorcing parties may be nearly inseparable is if they have children. If the parties must divorce, children should be taken care of to ensure that the effects of the divorce are minimized (Gary 5). This paper investigates the causes of divorce and also looks into the adverse effects that a divorce has on children, especially, teenagers.
The causes of divorce are wide and varied and they range from issues like a deficiency in the level of maturity, diminished love and tendencies of criminal behavior. One of the major causes of divorce is lack of communication which translates to the absence of an effective relationship where none of the parties shares their mutual as well as personal feelings. This leads to resentment as one does not know what the other person is thinking.
Getting married early is also another cause of divorce as the couple is not mature enough to deal with marital issues. Previous researches reveal that cohabiting as well as failure to discuss ones expectation during the marriage could easily breed divorce. Some of the causes of divorce come from problems that are not dealt with during the period of courtship where the parties involved assume the problems will disappear after marriage which is not the case when the couple marries (Stewart and Brentano 34).
Most of the couples getting a divorce assume that they will be emotionally detached once they are divorced but this is unlikely in the presence of children as the parents’ paths will most likely cross during school functions like graduation and rekindle an old flame. During teenage, the teen’s life is vibrant and filled with a lot of anxiety.
Their response to divorce could be characterized by the need for a steady home, anger as well as the need for clear-cut limits connecting them with their parents. Teenagers need a strong foundation brought about by a stable family which is absent in case of a divorce (Gary 37). As much as parents think that divorce would be a solution to their problem, the teens’ do not want to be caught up in their parent’s marital problems as this will shake their base which they need for them to grow as healthy adults.
When parents divorce, children are mostly forced to break or weaken their relationship with one of their parents. It becomes challenging to them as they will hardly gain access to their family members while their life would turn out to be completely different from the one they were used to (First Family Institute of Kansas 1).
Gary argues that a situation of absentee fathers will lead to underachievement, delinquency, promiscuity as well as a confused sexual identity (39). However, this does not mean that the absence of a father figure could lead to misdemeanors among teenagers as poverty could also be a contributing factor.
Previous studies have revealed that boys find it hard to deal with divorce as opposed to girls. Though the reasons are not clear, it could be due to the fact that upon divorce the custody of children is left to the mothers and hence the male child lacks the presence of a father figure to mould him (First Family Institute of Kansas 1). It has also been found that age affects the level of negative effects on a child’s life in case of divorce. The younger the child is during a divorce, the lesser the gravity of the impact of the child upon experiencing divorce.
Nevertheless, in instances where the child remembers the detailed occurrences of the divorce period, the child is likely to be affected greatly by the divorce. According to a survey carried out in the US, fifty percent of divorcees are never in touch with their non-custodial parent on a yearly basis (First Family Institute of Kansas 1). After six years in divorce, there is a reduction in the number of parental visits. This usually occurs by fathers who lack custody of their children and it reduces if the child involved is a girl and also if the father has remarried.
Most of the children from divorces live with one parent. In the cases where divorced parents having the custody of children remarry, they may get in difficult situations in second or third marriages until they decide to divorce again. This may have a devastating effect on children who are forced to handle multiple divorces. There is a substantial relationship, between pitiable divorce adjustments as well as parental disagreement. This is one of the most important factors in the performance of the family. It is imperative for teenagers to have a qualitative, ongoing relationship with their parents in order for them to adjust well after the divorce.
There are varying impacts of divorce. Some families may experience tough situations before the divorce. This may change to a calmer or worse situation after the divorce depending on how the parents carry themselves after the divorce and the kind of hardships that they go through. As discussed above, divorce has devastating effects on children and it is also bound to affect the divorcing parents. For instance, after a divorce, the divorcing parties may experience psychological instability that may make them to make decisions that could get them to more trouble.
For instance, a woman divorced at a young age with two children may be quick to be remarried. This could lead to more problems since if such a marriage fails, the woman may be forced to believe that she can never maintain a marriage and thus she could be forced to live a single life. Divorce rates are on the increase leading to a need for a better understanding for the impacts of divorce.
Upon divorce the children get torn over which parent they should pay allegiance to once their parents get divorced. The children involved do not get satisfied with the weekend agreement. It would therefore be a better idea for the couple involved in the divorce case to adopt a joint custody (First Family Institute of Kansas 1).
There are a number of factors that determine how a teenager will cope with divorcing parents. These factors will either make the teenager lead a positive life after the divorce or get torn to an extent that aspects of his/her life are affected. These factors include low instance of conflict between a teenager and the parent, a close relationship with the parent having custody of the teenager affected by divorce.
Commitment while monitoring the teenagers affected by divorce ensures that their character is in check and there are no cases of misconduct reported about the teenager. When a divorced couple give the right direction to their children they are likely to develop into strong personalities without being affected negatively by divorce (Maccoby and Mnookin 14).
It is also necessary for the teenagers to take responsibility for their lives in case of a divorce. The teenagers should appreciate the complexity of marriage issues and try to be leaders in the situation. That is, in cases where one parent tries to alienate children from the other parent, the children should be wise and understanding to handle those situations and achieve harmony. This is because the level of maturity and wisdom that teenagers take their parents’ divorce determine the extent to which their lives are affected by the divorce.
Couples on the verge of divorce usually face a trying period. However the teenagers involved in this union suffer more. This is due to the lack of understanding of the events following divorce in a mature way and hence gets affected academically, emotionally as well as psychologically. Parents should support as well as understand their children as they refrain from making any negative comment against their ex- spouse (eHow 1).
That is, if a parent believes that their children should also be angry at the other parent, the parent should not try to force his/her children into it. In the same way, a parent should not be angry at his/her child if the child appears to be supporting the other parent.
Varying levels of effect are suffered by teenagers and children caught up in a divorce situation. It has been proved that teenagers are more likely to be negatively affected when they develop a negative attitude towards the divorce. Due to the negative effects of divorce, teenagers may get into fights with their fellow students, sneak out of school or even be rude to their parents or teachers. The major cause of this is the teenagers bid to get attention at whatever cost so that they can relieve themselves of stress caused by their parents’ divorce (Everett et al 132).
Teenagers affected by their parents divorce tend to undergo problems in their academic life. These problems begin as early as a year before the occurrence of the divorce. This comes as a shock to parents who imagine the teenagers will suffer less during the divorce period as well as after the divorce (Everett et al 132). This proves that the parents have the responsibility of supporting and assisting them academically even at the difficult period of divorce.
A study carried on the effects of divorce on teenagers academic performance shows that teenagers get affected academically in a different way depending on their response to stress as well as their personality. In the event of a divorce, teenagers may also suffer psychologically. It is therefore important for the parents and the care givers to look out for any change in behavior such as acting differently, hanging out with suspicious company as well as a change in attitude. In case of any change in behavior, a counselor should be consulted since teens are normally confused in instances of divorce. It is vital for the parents to be honest, open and very loving to the teenagers during this difficult period (eHow 1).
Teenagers could resort to substance abuse in order for them to deal with their parents’ divorce. This is due to the dilemma they face on how to handle the bad effects of their parents marital problems. They therefore turn into drugs to temporarily forget their problems. This could potentially affect other aspects of their lives like education, social life etc.
The teenagers should therefore be monitored for any warning signs of drug abuse so that the problem can be dealt with early. For instance, if after a divorce children are considered to be susceptible to drug abuse, it will be easy to know when they start abusing drugs and thus it will be easy to take the necessary action. This will help in mitigating the effects that the divorce will have on the children.
It is imperative for the family to have a support system to help the teenagers’ in the period before, during and after the divorce. Parents as well as the extended family have to support the teenagers during this critical period and explain to them the reasons for divorce so as to ensure that they deal with the problems well without being affected negatively.
As can be seen in the discussion, with a positive attitude and wisdom that is coupled with caution, children can live a good life even after the divorce of their parents. It has been shown that children/teenagers who understand their parents and avoid turning their anger against one of the parents are more likely to have more fulfilling relationships with both parents after divorce. This will also translate to welfare in other aspects of their lives.
Divorce is among the most serious social problems and it can have major negative effects on the affected people. Proper molding of teens affected by divorce could lead to development of their character and mitigation of bad effects of divorce which ensure minimal custody problems after the divorce. It is thus important to take the suggested precautions in order to phase out the development of antisocial behaviors. Parents should act maturely and maintain calm during a divorce to mitigate the effects of the divorce.
Works Cited
eHow, “Effects of Divorce on Teenagers”. 1999. Web.
Everett, Craig A et al. When marriages fail: systemic family therapy intervention and issues: a tribute to William. New York: Routledge, 2006.
First Family Institute of Kansas. “The Great Divide- Divorce and Teens”. ND. 2010. Web.
Gary, Layne H. Arguing in Communities: Reading and Writing Arguments in Context, 3rd ed. New York: McGraw Hill, 1999.
Maccoby, E and Mnookin R,H. Dividing the child: Social and legal dilemmas of custody. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1992.
Stewart and Brentano Cornelia. Divorce: Causes and Consequence. New York: Yale University Press, 2007.
Theu, Joe A. 7 Proven Steps: How to Defeat Stress Without Going Through the Embarrassment. New York: Author House 2009.