The answer to how to maintain a long-term relationship can be simplified into one word – balance. Although it might seem there are too many factors that can contribute to the relationship ending, a closer inspection of those can uncover the hidden connection. A lack of a partner’s attention or, on the contrary, an excess of it could be placed among probably the most popular reasons to end the relationship. Another ubiquitous “relationship killer” is daily hassles, such as routine in general or a question of house cleaning in particular. Indeed, everything mentioned might resemble no connection to balance at all; however, the link lies in the lack of balance between high expectations and reality.
Unjustified expectations often hit the hardest, presenting obstacles at every stage of long-term relationships. The first one comes in the transfer from the short-term to the long-term, the so-called breaking of rose-tinted glasses. When a person realizes that their partner will not be at their side all the time, or when there is a need for privacy and a partner does not allow it. When a previously attractive, mysterious, adventurous, and charismatic partner suddenly becomes tedious and unbearable, providing little-to-no novelty in a relationship with a possible exacerbation in avoiding responsibilities.
Esther Perel, a psychotherapist of Belgian origin, provides insight about maintaining a mutual interest. In her opinion, it is precisely the lack of balance between loving and desiring that brings an end to long-term relationships. Loving means having while desiring means wanting; therefore, a person should understand that nobody owns no one in a relationship to maintain desire. Understanding a partner’s individuality and independence allows the room for mystery and curiosity, which in turn will provide the desire and novelty. At this point, most of the daily troubles will solve themselves because where is interest, there is always a willingness to invest and contribute.