Introduction
Parents’ role in a child’s development has been a prominent subject of discussion since human existence. While parental involvement in a child’s life can be connected to how the protection of offspring occurs in animals, for humans, the process is more continuous and complex. In addition to defining the role of parents in forming a child’s identity, many discussions also focus on identifying the qualities that provide the foundation for the relationship between a child and parents.
The abundance of viewpoints on critical qualities for the parent-child relationship can be connected to differences in people’s experiences as children or parents. Moreover, the possibility of learning about parenting from other peoples’ experiences contributes to various opinions. This paper defines parents’ ability to acknowledge their child’s uniqueness as critical to their development to emphasize the importance of connection between the child and their parents.
Evidence Supporting Thesis
An Indian Father’s Plea
People tend to experience fear and unpleasantness when meeting different people; thus, parents play an essential role in establishing how children perceive their differences from their peers. The essay from Robert Lake (Medicine Grizzlybear), titled “An Indian Father’s Plea,” presents a letter to his son’s teachers that explains how teachers’ inability to accommodate cultural differences affects his son’s self-perception. The author lists several ways his son successfully learned the traditional knowledge passed down by Indians from generation to generation.
In writing about his son, Lake states, “At the age of 5, he has already been through quite an education compared with his peers in Western society” (1). The quote points out that while Lake’s son’s learning process differs, he cannot be considered a slow learner based on the classification reserved for his white peers. The author’s further discussion of Indian upbringing and the Western approach to a child’s education emphasizes the differences between cultural values and the time parents and caregivers spend with the child to instill these values.
Lake points out that the teachers’ failure to acknowledge the child’s uniqueness compromises the child’s system of values that presents the foundation of his perception of the world and oneself. Therefore, the letter explains that instead of acknowledging the positive aspects of the child’s uniqueness, an approach used by his parents, the education system perceives these differences as a deviation from the norm.
The concept of self-perception in children refers to thoughts and feelings they have about themselves. In adults, self-perception is closely related to social comparison, where people compare themselves based on characteristics such as social status, physical appearance, or motivation. However, before the child learns the concept of social comparison, parents contribute significantly to the child’s self-perception with their attitude toward the child.
Personal Examples
The education system can either affect the child’s self-perception formed with the help of parents or neutralize parents’ negative influence on the child’s self-concept. In my experience, I often saw how talented children who were constantly scolded and rejected by their parents avoided the negative influence on their self-perception with teacher support.
Furthermore, I also saw how students from happy, complete families experienced difficulties in studying when teachers equalized all students and only acknowledged students with prominent academic achievements. Therefore, one can presume that parents’ ability to admit their child’s uniqueness presents an essential foundation for their self-concept until the child is exposed to the influence of external factors.
Furthermore, while establishing positive communication with culturally diverse children can be complicated for teachers, at the very least, they can prevent other students from making fun of the child. In his letter, Lake addresses how the teachers failed to allow his son to develop friendly connections with his peers. Lake points to the teacher’s mistake in the first interaction with his son, stating that the teacher “wanted to call him Wind, insisting that Wolf must somehow be his middle name” (2).
The author states that the interaction made his child feel uncomfortable and embarrassed because the students in the class were laughing at him. The quote illustrates how the teacher influenced the child to question other people’s perceptions of him and, as a result, disturbed his understanding of the cultural values system. Thus, the child wanted to become more similar to other students to avoid negative attention from teachers and peers.
Comparing the teachers’ and parents’ perspectives on the same child illustrates the importance of acknowledging the child’s uniqueness for their further development. Lake thoroughly explains the differences, encouraging the teachers to understand at least some of them and start working with parents to ensure all students’ success. Thus, Lake states that for teachers, Wind-Wolf is “a typical Indian kid. He was born and raised on a reservation. He has black hair, dark brown eyes, olive complexion. And like so many Indian children his age, he is shy and quiet in the classroom” (1).
Lake opposes the teachers’ viewpoint to the parents’ perception, who see Wind-Wolf as a descendant of “ceremonial leaders whose accomplishments and unique forms of knowledge are still being studied and recorded in contemporary books” (3). The comparison demonstrates how parents’ ability to integrate the knowledge of the child’s unique background, personality traits, and skills in the upbringing contributes to forming the child’s thoughts and feelings about himself. On the contrary, the teachers’ rejection of the child’s uniqueness contributes to his self-destructive desire to become more like others.
White Lies
The cultural differences do not always present the sole source of a child’s self-doubt. When the child’s differences from peers are more prominent in such characteristics as physical appearance, hostility from peers can manifest in more threatening forms, such as bullying. In the case of the story covered in Erin Murphy’s work “White Lies,” the physical appearance of the albino girl Connie makes her become an object of ridicule from her classmates. Murphy points out how, compared to the only Lebanese girl from the class, Connie “was alone in her difference. She was, perhaps, most different. Differentest.” (1).
The quote emphasizes the tragic loneliness that children may experience in cases where they feel different from their peers and cannot develop a sense of belonging in the school environment. Furthermore, pointing to the initial discussion of parents’ role in forming a child’s self-perception, the story emphasizes how, despite feeling lonely, the girl always ignored negative comments and actions from peers. Moreover, the girl’s disregard of hateful comments presented the sole right decision for the situation, as the teacher refused to protect her or even engage in the conflict.
In addition to acknowledging the child’s uniqueness, parents can support it to protect the child’s sense of identity. In Murphy’s example, the albino girl’s parents help her establish friendly relations with peers. However, the parents do not resort to the radical method of convincing the girl that she is no different from other children. Instead, they create a legend that Connie’s father works at a candy factory, which makes the girl even more different from her peers.
Thus, the parents help their child by buying candies for her classmates, which later makes her a desirable friend for all children. The parents’ decision to make their child lie to others cannot be perceived as morally right, even if it is a ‘white’ lie. However, by not interfering with Connie’s uniqueness, the parents ensure the protection of Connie’s self-concept. Moreover, the approach can help the child understand that her peers’ rejection of her appearance is sourced from the human tendency to fear unusual things, which has nothing to do with her personality. Therefore, Connie’s parents protect her self-understanding by teaching her to deal with generally accepted yet faulty perceptions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, this paper used examples from two literary works and personal experiences to define one of the most essential qualities of a parent-child relationship. The paper determined that parents’ ability to view their child as unique creates a solid parent-child connection, where the parent becomes responsible for creating a foundation for the child’s self-perception and sustaining it for the child’s further development. Furthermore, maintaining a child’s sense of uniqueness creates a special bond between parents and their children that facilitates the provision of mutual support, love, care, and motivation. Therefore, before seeing the child’s strengths and weaknesses, parents must learn to view their child as unique.
Works Cited
Lake, Robert. An Indian Father’s Plea. 1990. Pdf document.
Murphy, Erin. White Lies. 2010. Pdf document.