As you get older, you come to realize that life is not always bright and pleasant. Once, there comes a moment when you have to face the reality, and it can be far from what you expect or dream about. Meeting and losing people is inevitable in life, but no one can be prepared to the loss of a loved person. Particularly, it is difficult to accept the loss of a person you have known for all of your life when you cannot imagine a single day without him or her. For me, my grandmother was one of the dearest people. When I was small, she read me fairy-tales and made fancy dresses for my Barbie dolls. When I grew up, she taught me to be a lady and showed how to use make-up. I loved helping her in the garden where she was growing amazing flowers, which were the love of her life. We were very close and could share every secret.
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Life is Unexpected and Cruel
My granny was an active old lady and the news that she was ill shocked me. On a warm spring day, it seemed to be a mistake and I did not believe that anything bad could happen to my dear person. Still, the physician said there were some curable heart problems and proper care together with treatment was expected to return her to active life. Nevertheless, we did not see any positive effect for weeks. Certainly, we could not accept this situation and initiated further examination. I felt as if I was paralyzed when I heard the final diagnosis. We were told she had lung cancer in a terminal stage, and no treatment could be effective because metastases were all over her body. I do not remember any of my thoughts at that moment, I just recall the feeling of helplessness and the approaching disaster when you can do nothing but wait. The only thing we could do to help her was to provide medication for pain relief.
When there is No More Hope
Granny’s condition was getting worse from day to day. Pain medication was working well and she did not feel much pain. One weekend in October when I came to visit her after a week in college, I suddenly realized she did not recognize who I was. It was a hurting feeling of inevitability of something that I did not want to say aloud or even think about. In a week after this event, I was at classes when my father called. Neither he nor my mother ever called at that time not to distract me from studies, and I felt that something bad had happened. My intuition did not fail me. Dad said that granny was gone.
I remember I did not have tears at first. I came to my tutor and said I had to go home. I suppose my face told more than I could tell because no one asked me any questions and let me go. I had to take a bus to get to granny’s house. Although it happened almost a year ago, I remember everything as if it was yesterday. I recall the moment the rain started. It was a windy autumn day and I suppose I needed that rain as never before. I felt I could cry at last and it brought me some relief. I was crying on my way. In fact, I could not stop tears that were running down my cheeks the same way as rain drops were running down the bus window. Crying together with the rain was much more comfortable than crying alone.
Trying to Accept the Inevitable
The funeral was rather crowded. I was not surprised to see all those people who came to bid final farewell to my granny. She was a nice person who lived a decent life without doing evil to anyone. There were plenty of flowers. She loved flowers and they surrounded her on her last day on earth. I brought white roses from her garden because I knew she loved those most of all. It was surprising, but there were no tears. We were talking about granny who was a bright and merry person, remembering the most precious moments. She would not have been happy if she had known we were crying.
Learning to Live Without
Death itself is frequently frightening and brings grief. Still, learning to live without my beloved grandmother was too difficult for me. I discovered all the emotions typical of grief such as sadness, anger, despair, and sometimes guilt, but could not overcome them (Mental Health America, 2018). I became depressed and could not face this challenge by myself. I realized that I needed psychological support to cope with the loss (American Psychological Association, 2018). My analyst was really helpful and made me understand there was no my fault and that my granny got a relief from pain and suffering. It did not happen in a single day, but I let my granny go. However, I still feel a little sad when it rains.
American Psychological Association. (2018). Grief: Coping with the loss of you loved one. Web.
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Mental Health America (2018). Coping with loss: Bereavement and grief. Web.