Introduction
Marriage, which predates the government, is a key factor in the civilization of human beings. Its redefinition over the years has caused both positive and negative impacts, either directly or indirectly, on the people involved and the society at large. Unlike before, today, gay couples have the right to be legally married and have either adopted or biological children through surrogacy. Changes have been made to the family laws to accommodate, appreciate, and treat each unique setup equally.
The society holds marriage in high esteem because it benefits it in a unique way that no other relationship does. The government recognizes marriage as an institution most suitable for childbearing and rearing. When two individuals commit to each other, they commit to taking responsibility for the children under their care. Children deserve to be raised in a loving way; any form of bad parenting should be judged as such, regardless of the gender of the parents.
The Impact of Same-Sex Marriage on Children
The main concern in all of this is how redefining marriage to include same-sex couples affects society, but most importantly, the children. In this YouTube video, children raised by lesbian parents express their views on the effects this setup has had on their lives, both as children and as adults. None of them are happy with how they turned out to be, and they blame it on their parents’ choice of relationships. Decades of social science have shown that children thrive in families with parents of both genders (Mazrekaj et al., 2022). However, is the issue raised in the video here by Millie Fontana about gay parenting or bad parenting? The latter is more befitting based on her arguments about her mothers denying her the chance to meet her father.
Millie Fontana had the right to know who her father was and form a relationship with him if she wanted to. Fathers play crucial roles in their children’s lives that no mother would potentially do. A father strengthens a child’s ability to feel safe and handle their emotions better even if they do not live with them but has regular positive contact (Fitzgibbons, 2015). This could explain why she says she has become aggressive in her behavior. Fontana already faced prejudice, and her mothers did not make it better by hiding her father’s identity. It worsened because she could not express her true feelings as her mother’s partner was fragile about the situation.
Bad parenting takes away equality from children and only focuses on the selfish desires of adults. Children are forced to fit into the lives of adults, which then limits their potential as it affects their mental and emotional development. However, it is not a unique issue for gay parents only; heterosexual parents can be bad for their children as well (Ducousso-Lacaze, 2014). In this case, the parents of Fontana chose to disregard her needs and the consequences their choices would have on her and put their desires first.
Fontana says the children in her family are coached on what to say. Limiting the children’s freedom of speech is unfair and hypocritical, as Fontana’s mothers have fought for the same freedom for a long time. Now that they finally have it, they should accord it to their children. Their happiness should never be at the expense of their children.
The consequences of bad parenting weigh down on children throughout their lives. Fontana says that she was forced into confusion and experienced an identity crisis. An identity crisis, if not handled properly, could cause low self-esteem and later vulnerability to depression (Holas et al., 2021). More emphasis should be put on children such as Fontana, who are already experiencing external pressures; therefore, parents should create safe homes for them.
The other female speaker, who also grew up in such a setup, argues that while her mother positively impacted her life, she could never be her father. Therefore, there is a void that her mother could never fill. She adds that every child has a right to be raised by both father and mother to achieve maximum potential.
While she may be right, several studies have disputed these claims and state that a child raised by gay parents has the same potential to do just as well as one with parents of both genders. For instance, a study by Lassiter and Ceballos (2018) concludes that all that matters to a child is responsible parents who love each other and themselves. It disputes the claims that a child needs parents of different genders to be mentally and emotionally healthy.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while this video highlights important issues people are experiencing all over the world, the main problem here is bad parenting and not gay parenting. Some argue that children raised by gay parents are less happy and healthy, but this has been shown to represent a small group of people in such setups. While there is an acknowledgment of the different roles mothers and fathers play, gender may not be the only determinant of a child’s well-being. Bad parenting affects children raised by parents of the opposite sex as well; it is not exclusive to gay parents only.
References
Ducousso-Lacaze, A. (2014). Same-sex parenthood and the challenges it raises for psychoanalytical clinical practice. Dialogue, 203(1), 15–27. Web.
Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2015). Growing up with Gay Parents: What is the Big Deal? The Linacre Quarterly, 82(4), 332–336. Web.
Holas, P., Kowalczyk, M., Krejtz, I., Wisiecka, K., & Jankowski, T. (2021). The relationship between self-esteem and self-compassion in socially anxious. Current Psychology. Web.
Lassiter, P. S., & Ceballos, P. L. (2018). Self-Acceptance, Parental Self-Efficacy, and Impression Management in Lesbian and Gay Parents. Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling, 12(2), 72–86. Web.
Mazrekaj, D., Fischer, M. M., & Bos, H. M. (2022). Behavioral outcomes of children with same-sex parents in the Netherlands. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(10), 5922. Web.