Writing is a skill that grows with time and gets refined with enough practice. Fluency and creativity help writers write excellent articles, consequently enabling the audience to understand the written papers. Depending on how well a writer has mastered writing skills, it affects the quality of work produced. At times, it depends on how long a writer has been in the field and how well he or she responds to the feedback given concerning his or her work. Depending on how well a writer takes the corrections, they can easily develop quickly in the writing career. Refined work is essential since it helps in the communication of the ideas behind the writing.
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The writer’s growth is refined by writing many articles and how well the writer masters the writing skills for developing comprehensive reports and developing a career in writing.
Using two articles I had written on President Obama’s Inaugural speech, this essay will bring out what I have learned regarding writing articles. I will point my areas of weakness in the first essay that I had written and show how I had corrected the mistakes in the second essay that I wrote, thus, in essence, bringing out the lessons learned.
The content of the paper is on President Obama’s Inaugural Speech analysis. Going through the first paper, I realized that I had not mastered the writing skills well, though I understood the president’s speech and the uses of rhetoric devices. In the text, citation format, rules were not followed since the work was referenced to Obama in the text, but at the end, the sources indicated different authors. This was different compared to the revised essay that had proper in-text citations, for example, “(Harris 102)”, which expressed a refined work.
I also noted that my first essay had unnecessary statements that were repetitive, thus affecting the flow of the ideas that I was passing across, for example, “This indicated that as a global leader, he recognized and represented people from all races, including the blacks and whites” (First Essay, 1). This could have been avoided by not mentioning the blacks and whites since the term ‘races’ was used collectively.
I feel that the description of the president’s speech as “very artistic” after I had indicated that “the speech was well written” told repetitiveness and lack of ideas to present the nature of the speech. I also noted a considerable difference in the way that I used rhetorical devices in the first essay and the revised paper.
In the revised essay, the content was presented in a comprehensive manner. The analysis flowed from the way the president delivered his speech, the range of the address and the different rhetorical devices used, and the implications of the use of the other rhetorical devices. An example was the comprehensive explanation of what the tricolon was meant to accomplish in the speech. It was mentioned to have been there for several reasons, “It indicated that he connected very well to his audience which consisted of people from different races as well as different social and economic backgrounds” (Revised Essay 4), two “to put emphasis on his passion towards his nation” (Revised Essay 4) and three “It also demonstrated his oratory skills as the words created a lyrical effect, a device in poetry” (Revised Essay 4). All three reasons were lacking in the first essay, and yet they play an essential role in making any reader understand the speech and the use of a tricolon is a strategy.
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Organization of Work
In regard to the organization of my work, I realized that my first essay had flown all over in a manner that signified incomplete work, and this made it harder for a reader to grasp what I was passing across. For example, I noted that I did not elucidate what I meant by the nation undergoing a challenging economic time even after mentioning that for a second time. In the revised essay, this was explained clearly by merely saying some of the things that had made the Americans concerned about the kind of a president they elected.
The disorganization of my essay could well be explained by the mention of so many ideas in one paragraph. An example was when I brought in the concept of short but precise statements, use of emotional speech, and use of collective nouns like us, religion, and the point of the president connection with the people (First Essay 3) without a proper explanation of their significance in the president’s speech.
I realized that I could have introduced the ideas in different paragraphs while explaining how each affected the president’s speech in their respective sections. The revised essay solved this problem by giving reasons why they were used in the address, giving their significances, and ensuring that the points were passed across in different sentences. For instance, in the revised essay, I showed that the president acknowledged all religions, and this was to strengthen the relationship between him and the people plus showing an aspect of being there to serve all people regardless of their religious affiliation.
ThePresident’ss proficiency in writing was presented well in both essays through the use of rhetoric strategies. However, the revised paper expressed them better by introducing them one by one and in different paragraphs. This allows enough room for explanation of the use of each one of them and how they had been applied in the speech. Examples of rhetoric devices I used were pathos, logos, ethos, and Kairos. In the revised essay, the four were well introduced and explained while relating them to the president’s speech.
In the first essay, I presented ideas in an ambiguous manner. I realized that the explanation I gave for the president’s use of Kairos was not comprehensive; for example, “Obama was seen to take advantage of any opportune moment while addressing his main concerns to comprehensively tackle a particular topic. This way, he was able to address his main topics exhaustively” (First Essay 4) was ambiguous as compared to the revised essay which explained thoroughly what the American’s concerns were: “Obama was aware of the critical moment that the Americans were living in. He recognized that Americans were undergoing an economic recession, and they needed some assurance. They wanted to be guaranteed of education reforms and appropriate health care” (Revised Essay 6).
Quoting the president’s speech directly as I had done in the revised essay could have made the first essay more comprehensive since it was all about the analysis of the address.
Grammar and Mechanics
Poor grammar was evident in my first paper. The first mistake I noted under this section was the date and time; it was grammatically wrong to put the date as 20th, in the year 2009 as I had done in my first essay. Instead, the date followed by month then the year could have worked best in citing the date or adopting what I had done in the revised report, January 2009, as the date that the inauguration happened. In the first essay, there were sentences that started with small letters and nouns like President Obama began with small letters. This was a severe grammatical error since the sentences and nouns should always begin with a capital letter. I also realized that I had mixed my tenses in the first essay.
The revised essay showed a great organization of ideas. They were presented in a flowing manner, which answers any reader’s question on what was next in the president’s speech. For example, the introduction of proficiency in the president’s speech through the use of rhetoric strategies was done by explaining the president’s experience in writing, which he had developed from his college life.
It is evident that from the two articles that I had written, I have made some improvements. I believe that with time, practice, and considering feedback on my work, I will be in a position to write refined articles. Reflecting, comparing, and contrasting the two essays has made it possible for me to point out some significant mistakes that I had committed in the first essay that I wrote. I have pointed out my weak areas, and I am confident that I will not achieve the same writing mistakes again.
First Essay. “President Obama’s Inaugural Speech Analysis.” Writing Skills, 2010. Class notes.
Revised Essay. “President Obama’s Inaugural Speech Analysis.” Writing Skills, 2010. Class notes.