Introduction
Basically, a conflict arises when two or more parties disagree as a result of clashing ideas or thoughts, interests, attitudes, and requirements (Khamidovna, 2021). Conflict is only present when the parties involved communicate their struggles about an idea or thought in question. A destructive conflict is that which involves a disagreement and is characterized by feelings of antagonism and frustration. Destructive conflicts may quickly escalate to a toxic situation, which may be very hostile or avoidance behavior like walking away from the conflict (Khamidovna, 2021). This paper presents a discussion of a personal experience of a destructive conflict, the kind of conflict style that happened, and how the conflict was resolved.
Discussion
During one of the Mathematics lessons in class, the teacher divided us into five groups of four members. The teacher then wrote mathematics problems on the blackboard which were required to be solved by each group, and the first group that found the correct answer to the problem would earn five points for each problem. The teacher promised to buy the best group, I mean the group that scores the highest points, a packet of lollipops. My fellow group members and I would work together as a team and try to solve the problems as fast as we could so that we would become the winners.
Luckily, our group (group 1) managed to solve nine out of the ten problems written on the board and scored the same points as group three. When solving the final question, I was the first to raise my hand to answer question ten on behalf of my group members. However, the teacher said that I was wrong and gave John (a member representing group three) a chance to solve the problem on the board. The teacher stepped out of the class for a moment as John was solving the problem.
I noticed that John had used the same method as the one I had used when solving the same question. What surprised me is that he ended up arriving at a different answer from the one I had gotten and I believed that he had manipulated the answer. I shouted loudly that John had manipulated the procedure to arrive at the correct answer and that did not go very well. John responded to me by saying that I was the one who was lying and that I always manipulated my answers even when I was wrong. A disagreement had already started even without noticing and in the next minute I lashed out at him and pushed him away. John did not hold back as he also pushed me away and a fight began in no time before our classmates rushed to stop us.
In this case, the conflict was destructive because of factors such as antagonism and the feeling of getting frustrated. The fact that John and I had used the same method to solve the mathematics problem, but ended up with different answers made it appear that one of us had manipulated the procedure to get to the answer. I believed it was he who had manipulated the procedure to get the right answer to defeat my group, therefore, I strongly opposed his calculations. Besides that, this was the last problem that was meant to reveal the winner of the competition and I was really hoping that my group would win. The feeling of frustration, knowing that we were actually losing to another group made me want to defend my group as much as I could.
Two close friends of mine took their time to complete a survey form which was aimed at establishing the styles of conflict revealed when I happen to get into conflicts. Results from one of the surveys showed that I am prone to practice both styles of conflict namely; engaging and avoidance. One of the friends explained that the two styles of conflict happen depending on the kind of situation that brings about the conflict. For instance, situation A involves scenarios related to personal issues that often push me to engage in conflicts as a way of expressing self-defense, whereas situation B involves scenarios that are non-personal issues and they often make me want to avoid them.
Results from the other friend showed that I love engaging in conflicts from time to time. Additionally, this friend explained that I am always short-tempered and often lose it on other people, especially in matters that are difficult to explain.
Based on the results of scores allocated based on how they see me getting into conflicts and how I handle them, I would not agree that I am a violent person because I do not believe that I am. As a matter of fact, there are several factors that attempt to explain my reasons for engaging in conflicts such as self-defense from mockers and naughty classmates as well as the fear of getting frustrated. As for scenarios involving less personal issues, I would rather avoid the conflict and walk away for my own piece of mind (Wallensteen, 2018). A comparison of the results from the surveys completed by the two friends has enabled me to understand myself better from how other people can explain my conflicting styles.
While reflecting on my destructive conflict, I realized that there exist other conflicting styles that help turn a destructive conflict into a constructive conflict. First, a constructive conflict is one that turns from a disagreement into a solution (Ertosun, 2020). Communication is perceived to be a method of managing conflicts whether expressed in written form, technologically, or face to face. Conflicts or confrontations begin when parties fail to agree on a certain idea or thought and this could be a result of poor communication of the message being passed. The tone used to communicate can either cool down or escalate a disagreement (Ertosun, 2020).
For instance, when I shouted that John had manipulated the answer and he turned the blame back to me, the tone used ignited anger within me which led me to lash out at him. Had I taken time to reason out with John, there would have been no such conflict and fight because John would have decided to take me through the procedure of solving the mathematics problem just one step at a time.
Conclusion
In conclusion, conflicts are disagreements arising from a difference in ideas and thoughts. The two main styles of conflict include engaging and avoiding. Just like the name, conflict engagement involves participating in a conflict either through an exchange of harsh words or physical reactions like fights. Avoidance, on the other hand, involves staying away from the fight by maintaining silence or sobbing. My personal experience revealed that I happen to utilize both styles of conflict depending on the situation involved. Other than engaging in a destructive conflict, there exist styles of constructive conflicts that encourage parties to get into constructive communication to develop a solution to the conflict.
References
Ertosun, Ö. G. (2020). Constructive conflict resolution: The role of leader personality. In Handbook of Research on Positive Organizational Behavior for Improved Workplace Performance (pp. 291-309). IGI Global. Web.
Khamidovna, M. I. (2021). Different ways of Resolving and Managing Conflicts. Middle European Scientific Bulletin, 17, 204-207. Web.
Roosevelt, F. D. School: A Way Towards Social Revitalization Through Constructive Conflicts?. Tom 42, część 2a, 275. Web.
Wallensteen, P. (2018). Understanding conflict resolution. Sage.