In this digital age, it is common for individuals to seek out services and experiences, that are otherwise available in real life, online. This trend influences every area of people’s lives, including the pursuit of romantic relationships. Nowadays, there is a myriad of apps and websites that allow an individual to search for compatible partners on the World Wide Web. The phenomenon that results from this is online dating which shares some attributes of traditional dating. However, there are many ways in which these two types of this process differ and this divergence allows one to conclude that online dating should not be considered dating at all.
The main reason for this belief is the fact that the people trying to find love perceive their experience on the internet differently from trying to accomplish a seemingly similar result outside of it. This effect is achieved by a number of attributes that are unique to online dating. Firstly, there are studies proving that selecting a partner from a larger pool of possibilities leads to the individual being “more likely to change their choice compared to those with fewer options” (Alexopoulos et al., 2020, p. 172). Dating apps and websites provide interested parties with endless options, which creates the illusion that even after a break one will be able to find another match. This leads to many individuals resorting to online dating to form casual connections rather than find the potential for a committed relationship. Secondly, researchers have found that people, who would otherwise not resort to cheating on their partner, can make an exception when it comes to pursuing a romantic or sexual interest on a dating app (Almond et al., 2019, p. 86). Online dating provides a sense of anonymity that makes the relationship seem less serious.
Another argument for the exclusion of romantic liaisons on the internet from the general scope of relationships is the fact that people do not present themselves honestly online. Dating websites and apps unintentionally offer their users the option of creating a persona that is deliberately fake in the sense that it amplifies the positive aspects and voids the negative ones. While these deceptions can be subtle, there are many instances where people have resorted to “extreme lies that would be highly salient and memorable when encountered” (Toma et al., 2008, p. 1032). Additionally, it is easier to police what one says through messages rather than conversations happening in person. All of these possibilities allow dating app users to build connections based on lies rather than genuine attraction.
Another significant difference between pursuing a romantic relationship online and in real life is the way people approach this process. For the latter, the attraction to another person is the starting point. An individual finds something interesting or desirable about the other party, whether this aspect is physical or pertaining to one’s personality. From this point, the person will build all future interactions towards achieving a mutual attraction with this particular romantic interest. When one signs up for a website for meeting people, they do not have a particular individual in mind so their only option for finding love is focusing on themselves. This results in individuals approaching dating from a selfish position. People focus on branding themselves and become “uninterested in anyone else’s feelings or idiosyncrasies” (Young, 2019, para. 12). As these individuals sign up for these dating apps to get off the feeling of loneliness, they are more inclined to settle for a surface connection that cannot lead to a committed relationship.
There is no doubt that online dating has its assets including the large pool of potential matches, the speed at which one can go through them and the lower level of commitment it demands. However, those same advantages lead to the conclusion that this way of pursuing a romantic relationship should not be considered on the same level as meeting someone in person. Including online dating in the greater scope of dating diminishes and cheapens the real connection people make when they fall in love.
References
Alexopoulos, C., Timmermans, E., & McNallie, J. (2020). Swiping more, committing less: Unraveling the links among dating app use, dating app success, and intention to commit infidelity. Computers in Human Behavior, 102, 172-180.
Almond, L., Harcourt-Medina, K.T., & Taylor, A. (2019). Online dating: Is hooking up the goal? Psychology Research and Applications, 1(4), 81-88.
Toma, C.L., Hancock, J.T., & Ellison, N.B. (2008). Separating fact from fiction: An examination of deceptive self-presentation in online dating profiles. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34, 1023-1036.
Young, J. (2019). I just figured out why online dating doesn’t work. Medium.