The topic of coaching and training in today’s information-overloaded world is very much in demand. Nothing contributes to success like a clear, sweeping vision of the future and choosing the best path and strategy for development. Emotional intelligence expert Richard Boyatzis and Weatherhead School of Management colleagues Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten offer a new and effective method of coaching – with empathy – in their book Helping People Change. Unlike most models, coaching with empathy is not aimed at “fixing” the trainee or solving their problems but much more broadly at unlocking personal potential and creating the ideal self.
Empathy coaching helps to separate the desires of one’s heart from the responsibilities imposed by life and to form a clear vision of who one wants to be and what one wants to do. The book is built on real-life examples and the results of years of research, including scientific experiments in neurophysiology. Their research shows how important it is to “articulate aspirations and visions” (Boyatzis, 2019, p. 4). It is more important than solving pressing problems, accomplishing specific tasks, or reaching certain standards.
When a person acts out of a sense of duty, without inner motivation, an inspiring dream, a vision, and an aspiration for an ideal future, the charge for continuous and consistent movement toward the goal, for significant changes for the better, as a rule, is not enough. The book Helping People Change asks the main qualitative question, how long is the result lasting? How conscious is the desire not to give up on what you have started and to “achieve change” (Boyatzis, 2019, p. 15)? The effectiveness of coaching is measured in terms of substantial changes in people’s lives. First, they will find and articulate their vision, including dreams, aspirations, goals, and values. Second, their behavior, thoughts, and feelings will change, bringing them closer to realizing their vision. Third, they will build a deep, emotionally responsive, resonant relationship with a coach or mentor and, ideally, with everyone who supports them.
The authors point out that to help someone secure long-term change, and people need to do the same self-care and homework activities that they encourage their clients, family, or co-workers to do. Research shows that for behavior change to continue, people need to emphasize the positive over the negative; people shut down when they feel guilt and judgment from the rational mind, and it is an emotion that drives behavior. Instead of triggering the stress hormones that come from the rational mind and the sympathetic nervous system, people need to engage the parasympathetic nervous system-the creative mind-and to engage the creative hormones more often. It is not a balance of equals, praise needs to come more often than threats, or the change will not last. It is still a version of threats and rewards, fear and love, carrot and stick, but scientists now know that they work better if they are driven from within rather than imposed. People cannot motivate from the top down or force people to change from the outside in, as the sages have said for thousands of years and now there is research to prove it.
This book gives examples of coaching people with empathy, and the author tries to emphasize that there should be a good working relationship between the coach and the person he or she is coaching, coaches should take an active interest in their behavior, their passions, their ideals. themselves, their vision of themselves and how they want to live their lives. Coaches must not only listen to those they coach, but also read between the lines to see if there are social obligations that are holding them back. Coaches should take an active interest in how they behave, what their hobbies are, their ideal self, their vision of themselves and how they want to live. Coaches must not only listen to those they coach, but also read between the lines to see if there are social obligations that are holding them back.
Reference
Boyatzis, R., Smith, M. L., & Van Oosten, E. (2019). Helping people change: Coaching with compassion for lifelong learning and growth. Harvard Business Press.