Parenting and Harm of Unrealistic Expectations

Robert Plomin – Professor of Behavioral Genetics, King’s College London

The nature vs. nurture debate has a long history, and scholars of all times tried to determine whether parental heritage or upbringing was more critical in forming the personality. The scholars claim that approximately half of the differences in cognitive abilities, mental state, and personality traits are determined by the DNA they inherit from parents. Therefore, it is not right to disregard genetics in the discussion of the personality formation of children. While upbringing determines the other 50 percent of the characteristics the child develops, psychologists tend to overestimate the influence of external factors on children. The peculiar detail is that siblings with similar DNA and upbringing often develop entirely different personalities, which emphasizes the importance of random in individual formation.

The experiment on twins shows that siblings with the same DNA brought together and separately did not differ. In other words, the influence of the environmental facts and upbringing is entirely random. When parents think that the books they read to their children and how they talk to them are essential in personality formation, they are usually wrong. If the child does not become the victim of abuse or neglect, their development is determined by various random factors that parents cannot change.

Understanding that parents cannot influence the development of serious mental issues of their children like depression is critical in family psychology. Therefore, adult people need to understand their responsibility in a child’s upbringing clearly. They can give a positive example to their children with their behavior and teach them important issues, but they cannot completely change their personalities with education.

Nancy Segal – Professor of Psychology, California State University, Fullerton & Director, Twin Studies Center

It is difficult to estimate the number of money parents spends on buying behavioral psychology books and courses that teach them how to bring up a successful person. These adult people will not believe anyone who says that their influence on children’s individuality is limited, and genes determine many characteristics of the child. When parents think that if they read books to their children, their children will become more intelligent. However, it is only partially the habit children adopt from the environment because their genes limit their intellectual level.

Sharing the environment is essential in the development of specific behavioral characteristics. The analysis of twins’ behavior shows that they develop similar conduct even when they live apart for years. This example illustrates that genetic inheritance determines how children build their personalities, and it is wrong to overestimate this part of identity. At the same time, children adopted by the family develop the characteristics of people in their closest surroundings. It proves that the environment is also vital in forming the personality. In all cases, the researcher claims that parents should be cautious about imposing their role models on children and see the needs of the particular kid. Parenting should be based on realistic expectations that are connected with the specific child, but not on the illusion that upbringing and the environment can change everything in the child’s behavior. In other words, genes are equally important as the child’s environment in forming individual characteristics.

Paige Harden – Psychology Professor, University of Texas

Genetic determinism is the adverse theory that restricts the opportunities of most people. As a result, these ideas are rarely promoted in modern society because they are opposite to the principles of democracy. Practice shows that those children with limited schooling opportunities are less likely to realize their intellectual potential. In other words, if the talented child does not have the chance to study and develop their talent, it is unlikely they will achieve good results in a particular sphere.

Those scholars who study twins who are brought up in different families and develop similar characteristics do not talk about extreme situations. They disregard the importance of everyday parenting in the child’s life and ignore family abuse, extreme poverty, neglect, substance addiction of the adult, and other harmful factors. Though these issues are not rare in society, it is critical to pay attention to them when discussing a child’s upbringing. According to the statistical information, one child in 16 is sexually abused, and almost 3 million children live in low-income families in the United States, where there are less than 2 dollars per individual per day (IntelligenceSquared Debates, 2019). This data shows a vital concern in giving children equal study opportunities and growing up in a typical environment.

Culture has a significant impact on character development. People usually inherit the image of the ideal future from their parents, and these views are influenced by the society and culture where the person lives. Therefore, the environment is crucial in forming the personality and perspectives on the surrounding reality, which supports the idea that nurture is even more important than nature.

Ann Pleshette Murphy – Author & Parenting Expert

The environment determines how children react to themselves and evaluate their traits. For example, those children who are brought up in families where parents support the differences of the child are not afraid of expressing their individuality. Those children, who were abused for showing inappropriate behavior, are more likely to restrict their emotions in public and avoid revealing their true personalities. In other words, parents’ attitude is critical in the formation of the way the child perceives themselves while growing up.

Another factor that should be mentioned is the dynamic character of family and parental relationships. Adult people adapt to external circumstances, and their relationships change. For example, many couples divorce, and children must endure this painful experience. The researcher claims that most people in the studio have gone through this situation, and they know that it is a stressful episode for parents and their children who cannot control the situation. Children experience frustration when the environment that used to be stable starts to ruin, and they cannot make anything to prevent this situation.

It is impossible to state that such events do not influence the formation of the child’s psyche even if the child showed calm and reserved behavior before their parents’ divorce. It allows the researcher to state that genes are not that critical in this case because the child experiences stress from their parents’ divorce, and it is the environmental factor. Therefore, parents should always keep in mind that their attitudes and conduct impact their children regardless of the genetic heritage these children have. It is vital to find a balance between the proper upbringing and understanding the inborn inclinations of the child to help them realize their potential and talents without serious problems.

Reference

IntelligenceSquared Debates. (2019). Parenting is overrated [Video]. YouTube.

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